Wednesday
Dec282011

The Gate

I hate the gate! You have to take off your shoes, which is always a tricky feat after a few morning cocktails  and there’s always a hassle. Today it involved some guy who was pissed off that he couldn’t take two quarts of Fanta grape soda on his flight with him. He looked straight out of central casting for the movie, “Deliverance.” This river don’t go to Aintry, Mister.

I had to get my wallet x-rayed for some reason and then I was put to the side and was told I would have to be, “pat down.”

I dutifully put my hands up in the air, got patted down by a grizzled, old veteran of airport screening duties. When I asked if it was extra for a happy ending, he just scowled at me. I took my wallet and bag and ran to the gate which was just boarding...

Wednesday
Dec282011

Ketchup

I've written about the ketchup situation in the Greater Peoria Airport before and here I go again. Ever since I was a little kid, all I would eat is Heinz ketchup.

The first time I ever was going to spend the night at a friend's house when I was a little kid was a big deal and I was pretty excited. My friends name was Pat King and his family was real nice and we had fun playing outside before we got called in for supper. But when I sat down at the dinner table and I looked and saw a bottle of Hunt's ketchup, I feigned a stomach ache and asked them to call my parents to come pick me up. After about a twenty minute wait, while silently cursing Hunt's ketchup and Pat and his entire stinking family, my dad dutifully pulled up, I got in the car and he looked at me. I looked at him and said one word: "Hunt's."

He glared at the King household in furious anger, looked back at me and nodded in sage father and son agreement and floored it out of their driveway. When it comes to ketchup, you either know these things or you don't.

As vile as Hunt's is, I can't imagine being desperate enough to put Crown ketchup on anything except a grilled baby's butt. Because who eats a baby's butt except a drooling, twice-crazed, psycho-baby cannibal killer? And he probably spells "ketchup," "catsup."

Some things I'll just never understand. Crown "ketchup" is one of them. Shame on you Peoria Airport. Shame on you.

Wednesday
Dec282011

Eye Opener

Okay, I'm heading back to New York City and here we are at the Greater Peoria Airport.

Look, it's a big tractor.

Hmm...the bar!

And here's the white, marble-topped bar. A couple years ago I got in a spot of trouble in the Cincinnati airport after imbibing beer all day during a failed trip home and I ended up spending the night in the Boone County Jail. Ever since my mom worries about me when I'm traveling and I promised her I wouldn't drink any beer till I got back to my apartment in New York.

So I'm drinking vodka all day. Cheers and I'll be back in a bit. Unless I get arrested.

Tuesday
Dec272011

Goodnight Everybody

Well, tomorrow I'm headed back to New York City, I had a great time in Peoria and it was great to see everybody, but I do believe I've had enough. Time to get back to my home on the East Coast. I'll be blogging as I make my way in a drunken stupor back to New York, so check back tomorrow in the morning to see multiple posts of the trip. Sneeze ya then!

Tuesday
Dec272011

Lunch At Mike's Tavern

Okay, today I’m meeting some friends at Mike’s Tavern in West Peoria. Mike’s was the last stop on my 365 bar crawl last year and was my Grandpa Seitz’ preferred watering hole for his entire life. It’s going to be a bit of a bittersweet trip, as the owner, Tony Ward died somewhat unexpectedly a little bit ago. But I think he’d be happy to know that we all picked Mike’s Tavern to meet and have a few holiday drinks to celebrate the past, present and future.

And here we are, Mike's Tavern. The great thing is that this place never changes.

Let's step inside and see what's happening at Mike's.

And here's the familiar bar and I spy a familiar face behind it.

It's Tom the bartender serving up an ice-cold can of Miller Lite in honor of Biff.

Here's Roy, Tony's son-in-law who is helping to run Mike's these days.

This has been hanging behind the bar for as long as I can remember.

The infamous two-doorknob bathroom!

Here's a framed metallic tribute to Tony that was written by my friend Phil Luciano in the Peoria Journal Star.

And speaking of Phil, here he is pulling a Gene Simmons imitation with his beautiful fiancée, Karen. Now the party can begin!

Phil told me that originally this place was a barbershop for a brief time and these are the original tin tiles on the ceiling. The design is made up of circled shaving brushes. Very cool.

And if you want to have a seat in Mike's, here's some school desks to rest at. I think my Grandpa Seitz sat at the third one from the right. But only when he misbehaved in here. Which was often, from the stories I've heard.

I notice something while glancing back at the bar.

Butch's pizza! I haven't had one the whole trip, time to fix that...

I got one with everything and Tom cooked it to perfection. One thing happens when you put out a Butch's pie...

A crowd will show up. And here they are, from left: Moon, Webby, Joe Waugh and George Voorhees, who's shoes I scuffed years ago and he still harbors a grudge. (Not pictured are Homer and Erica, who trust Julie's version of the ending of Midnight Cowboy. Oh, they will be proven wrong!)

And here's the guest star of honor, the founder and guiding light of Waugh Foods, Joe Waugh, Sr. with his son, Joe Waugh, Jr. Thanks to everybody for showing up and sharing memories and stories from the past and present!

And of course we must end this with a toast to Tony Ward: To Tony, you're greatly missed! R.I.P.

Monday
Dec262011

Mike's Tavern

I had a great liquid lunch with friends today at Mike's Tavern. The entire post will be up in the morning tomorrow. I'd post it tonight, but I have to continue drinking family holiday obligations. I'll try and put up a night cap video at the end of the night. Most of you have to go back to work tomorrow...not me! Ha ha ha! Enjoy your evening!

Sunday
Dec252011

Up On The Roof

My parents put up a nativity scene every year complete with all the characters: Joseph, Mary, animals and the Three Wise Guys who brought gifts of Andrew Gold, Frankenstein and Ethel Merman. Hey, what's that up on the roof?

Why look, it's little baby Jesus in his swaddling clothes. My mom always blames me for this, but I think he flies up there all on his own. He does have super powers after all.

Okay, I'm off to Mike's Tavern for lunch and a beer or three. I'll post photos from that later tonight, probably after dinner, so check back this evening if you can. It'll probably go up around 9 or 10 PM.

Sunday
Dec252011

Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Carol.

Merry Christmas everyone! This is the only post I'm putting up today as I'm going to spend the day and evening drinking celebrating the holiday with my family. Have fun and thanks for reading and tuning in to MAD during the busy holiday season, I appreciate it!