Marty After Dark - Almost Live...From New York

Entries in Big Fat Head Guy (1)

Tuesday

Apr122011

April 13, 2011

Okay, as I explained yesterday, I got called in for jury duty today. So I thought I’d have a rare MDD post. Marty During Daytime. And for once I’m writing the introduction after it’s all over. Let me explain.

I knew I’d be beat tonight because I had to get up at 6:30 am, get ready, go downtown, do my jury duty thing and then come in to work. I thought I’d do some drawings, since they don’t allow you to take pictures in the courthouse. Kind of like a court reporter. I also wrote some random thoughts towards the end of the day. And then we were told that we didn’t have to come back. All is explained in the drawings and writings below. Order in the court!

Below are some drawings I did in the morning before lunch.

At 12:30 pm, we got the very good news that we were getting to go to lunch early and didn’t have to return till 2:15 pm! Since the Odeon is right next door, I decided to order out of the court. For beer that is! Here’s my recap of lunch, written on an Odeon postcard they give you when you pay your bill.

Notice how I closed it with “Sneeze you tomorrow?” That’s because after lunch, they told us we’d probably be sprung for the day. After I drew the postcard we got some glum news. They said they needed 10 additional jurors for a pool to be added to another trial. Everybody slumped and then they started drawing jurors names out of a bowl at random. And yes, I was the second to be called! Fuck the luck! We all had to go get sworn in at room A and then were told to wait. And so we waited. And waited. I wrote this on my laptop.

Random Thoughts While Sitting in a Jury Pool Room

I didn’t see the big fat-headed guy after lunch. I wonder what happened to him? Maybe a serial killer killed him at lunch and now his giant-sized noggin is sitting inside a 117 pound aquarium in what has to be the world’s biggest refrigerator. I bet the head is balanced just so, so that the rolls of fat are at their juiciest. The serial killer...let’s think of a name for him...I’ve got it! Let’s call him “Son of a Gun!” Perfect serial killer name! Okay, it’s not as good as “Son of Dad” that was used on a Seinfeld, but those writers got paid thousands of dollars an episode. I’m getting forty bucks a day here and I spent more than that for lunch today!

So anyway, Son of a Gun is looking at the big fat head in the aquarium...and what does Son of a Gun look like? That’s easy, he looks exactly like David Berkowitz, but he’s bald like Lex Luthor and that makes him look a lot more sinister. I never thought David Berkowitz looked that sinister or even capable of committing cold-blooded murder. He looked more like someone who would be thrilled to win a stuffed animal at a county fair. He looked like someone who would eat mayonnaise on a goddamned cheeseburger. Probably really slather that shit all over the cheeseburger. You know who eats mayonnaise on a cheeseburger? Assholes who take their marching orders from barking dogs inside of their crazy-ass, looney tune heads. Sheesh!

Alright, so Son of a Gun is looking at the big fat head in the aquarium housed in the world’s largest aquarium.

Okay, I have to break in here and say that William, one of the people who are in charge of the juror’s pool and occasionally calls jurors up to the front desk for whatever reason, and he just did, when the name is a Spanish name and the name he just called was “Ramirez”, he adapts a Spanish accent. He even rolls his “r’s” somewhat like he’s freaking Ricardo Montalban extrolling the virtues of Soft Corinthian Leather. It’s really annoying and if it keeps up I may approach the front desk and tell him to knock this shit off.

And speaking of Ricardo Montalban...KHAAAAAAN!

At about 4:30 pm we were told that they didn’t need us after all. And since we had to stay while the others left early, we were told our jury duty was done. I was thrilled for a second, then realized I had to go into work. I probably could’ve taken the night off, but those beers and French Fries at the Odeon weren’t cheap! And now I’m home after work and on the verge of collapse. Goodnight everybody and we’ll see you tomorrow after dark.