April 13, 2011
Okay, as I explained yesterday, I got called in for jury duty today. So I thought I’d have a rare MDD post. Marty During Daytime. And for once I’m writing the introduction after it’s all over. Let me explain.
I knew I’d be beat tonight because I had to get up at 6:30 am, get ready, go downtown, do my jury duty thing and then come in to work. I thought I’d do some drawings, since they don’t allow you to take pictures in the courthouse. Kind of like a court reporter. I also wrote some random thoughts towards the end of the day. And then we were told that we didn’t have to come back. All is explained in the drawings and writings below. Order in the court!
Below are some drawings I did in the morning before lunch.
At 12:30 pm, we got the very good news that we were getting to go to lunch early and didn’t have to return till 2:15 pm! Since the Odeon is right next door, I decided to order out of the court. For beer that is! Here’s my recap of lunch, written on an Odeon postcard they give you when you pay your bill.
Notice how I closed it with “Sneeze you tomorrow?” That’s because after lunch, they told us we’d probably be sprung for the day. After I drew the postcard we got some glum news. They said they needed 10 additional jurors for a pool to be added to another trial. Everybody slumped and then they started drawing jurors names out of a bowl at random. And yes, I was the second to be called! Fuck the luck! We all had to go get sworn in at room A and then were told to wait. And so we waited. And waited. I wrote this on my laptop.
Random Thoughts While Sitting in a Jury Pool Room
I didn’t see the big fat-headed guy after lunch. I wonder what happened to him? Maybe a serial killer killed him at lunch and now his giant-sized noggin is sitting inside a 117 pound aquarium in what has to be the world’s biggest refrigerator. I bet the head is balanced just so, so that the rolls of fat are at their juiciest. The serial killer...let’s think of a name for him...I’ve got it! Let’s call him “Son of a Gun!” Perfect serial killer name! Okay, it’s not as good as “Son of Dad” that was used on a Seinfeld, but those writers got paid thousands of dollars an episode. I’m getting forty bucks a day here and I spent more than that for lunch today!
So anyway, Son of a Gun is looking at the big fat head in the aquarium...and what does Son of a Gun look like? That’s easy, he looks exactly like David Berkowitz, but he’s bald like Lex Luthor and that makes him look a lot more sinister. I never thought David Berkowitz looked that sinister or even capable of committing cold-blooded murder. He looked more like someone who would be thrilled to win a stuffed animal at a county fair. He looked like someone who would eat mayonnaise on a goddamned cheeseburger. Probably really slather that shit all over the cheeseburger. You know who eats mayonnaise on a cheeseburger? Assholes who take their marching orders from barking dogs inside of their crazy-ass, looney tune heads. Sheesh!
Alright, so Son of a Gun is looking at the big fat head in the aquarium housed in the world’s largest aquarium.
Okay, I have to break in here and say that William, one of the people who are in charge of the juror’s pool and occasionally calls jurors up to the front desk for whatever reason, and he just did, when the name is a Spanish name and the name he just called was “Ramirez”, he adapts a Spanish accent. He even rolls his “r’s” somewhat like he’s freaking Ricardo Montalban extrolling the virtues of Soft Corinthian Leather. It’s really annoying and if it keeps up I may approach the front desk and tell him to knock this shit off.
And speaking of Ricardo Montalban...KHAAAAAAN!
At about 4:30 pm we were told that they didn’t need us after all. And since we had to stay while the others left early, we were told our jury duty was done. I was thrilled for a second, then realized I had to go into work. I probably could’ve taken the night off, but those beers and French Fries at the Odeon weren’t cheap! And now I’m home after work and on the verge of collapse. Goodnight everybody and we’ll see you tomorrow after dark.
Further reading: New York Magazine, Cupcake Confessionals, Five Years Too Late and Chowhound.
You might also like: Goldfish, Ice Sculptures and Chinese Cherry.
Six Courtroom Movies
The Verdict
12 Angry Men
A Few Good Men
Kramer Vs. Kramer
My Cousin Vinny
Judgment at Nuremberg
Are you alright?
I haven’t seen you for a real long time.
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Bonus Jaws Art!
Jaws sent in this piece of art to accompany the luncheon part of the post. Thanks, Jaws!
27 Comments
Reader Comments (27)
Those cartoons made my day! And that's my favorite Lucinda Williams song, nice choice!
You make me Proust to be an American.
The Ed Bradley drawing looks like Jesus on South Park ....
Brilliant post. Lunch at the Odeon is always my favorite part of jury duty.
@Barfly: Glad you liked the drawing! It's my favorite LW song too.
csp: Great, now I have to Google Proust. Yes, I'm a dummy!
@GENE: Ha ha ha! A happy accident.
@Fat Al: The French Fries were delicious. And of course the beers made everything a little less painful.
Very good cartoons, well drawn also. And I know how disgusting it is to see the back of some guys head. I Like that 1975 Chrysler Cordoba commercial with Ricardo and his corinthian leather, that was a really cool car, big and sporty two door.
Speaking of serial killers...I'm surprised the east coast press hasn't come up with a snappy attention grabbing name for that looney toon who's been wasting prostitutes and dumping them up and down the beach in Long Island. Geez, Marty...you ought to be doing cartoons for the New Yorker...manifique! I guess Mr. Big Fat Head ought to breath a sigh of relief that he's not a young, pretty hooker....if I were snoozing on the beach and woke up for a picnic lunch and reached over and looked for my picinic basket and saw that big fat head next to the basket, I'd lose my appetite for sure.
Between 9/11 conspiracy buffs and cheese sandwiches and cereal killers, I think I need a nap.
My expectations were not that high when I saw big fat head, but your other drawings did impress me. I really like laptop lady. Thanks for doing your civic duty. Sit in a room all day doing nothing only to be told at the end of the day you're not needed. Sounds like government at its best.
Oh and when we studied serial killers in school the only one who gave me the creeps was Mason. You can see evil in that guys eyes.
Or how about Manson. Dammit.
Great stuff, maybe Fat Head is at Jones Beach with the rest of the poor devils.
They would've had to pay extra shipping charges if Big Fat Head had starred in the movie Se7en. Glad you got out of jury duty, but also glad that you had to go this one day, since it resulted in a most excellent post! Your lunch was one of champions! And your cartoons are spec-to-the-tac. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they'll make special appearances in the future. I like Lucinda Williams too much to be able to pick one favorite song, but I can tell you which one I hate: "Joy." She stretches it out to "Freebird" length in concert. Oy.
Great post today, but that is one HELL of a long lunch!
(8 hours and 45 minutes would get me into a lot of mischief)
Ha.
Love the "Courtroom and Beyond" sketches.
I don't know if Ed is related to the "Cry Baby 'Professional' Ballplayer" or the Game Maker.
I wouldn't admit to the former.
More sketches!
@Al: It's really gross when a guy has rolls of fat on his head!
@Mike Foster: Sweet dreams, sweet pea!
@kari: The laptop lady was my favorite too. Don't you hate typos!
@Knuckles: He just may be there!
@Biff: I just lit a lighter to your "Freebird" comment! Skynrd!
@"Boris:" Speaking of typos! Good catch, Daddio! I just corrected it.
@MAD MAAARRRIIIOOOO!!!
well hell boris beat me to the time thing...was gonna ask wtf is 21:15 p.m....'cause there is no a.m. or p.m. when using armed forces' time...found out today that it is not jury duty but jury service...funny what tidbits one picks up following MDD...tippin' one to jaws for a late afternoon laugh...
Even if you can't draw, do a little doodle or rip an illustration from a magazine - these visuals will help bring your idea to life.
John Emmerling
rr
@csp: Every time I click on the Mario link it shuts the browser down. I'll try it from home.
@rr: I've never heard of it called jury service! Is that the politically correct term these days? Love the quote and it's very true.
Your cartoon drawings are making me laugh so much I may have peed a little!!!
@meleah: Ha ha ha! That cracked me up!
Hey, you're really on a roll!! The drawings are really good,& I like that Odeon postcard a lot!
Glad you're finished with jury duty. Last time I did it, I had over two weeks of Grand Jury ... actually interesting & interminable at the same time. We had a lot of undercover drug cases, a very exciting robbery of Louis Vuitton accessories, & a murder case that was really sad. There was a lot of jury bitchiness, we graded the clothes of the assistant DAs, & some loser kept telling me that James Gandolfini & Vincent D"Onofrio were brothers. It was fun in a strange kind of way (I'm easily amused).
I love your doodle drawings--they made me smile. This is one of the best juror stories. You are great before dark too.
@onemorefoldedsunset: I don't mind jury duty either, always a good people watching and meeting experience.
@Melanie: Thanks! Glad you got a smile out of the drawings!
@csp: The link worked here at home. Terrific find! And President David Palmer in the lower right was an added plus! Thanks!
Like The drawings , would like to see self portrait !!
@JHwang: I'll work on it, I'm going to do another all-drawing post next week. Maybe then!
I don't think it is fair to say that someone who puts mayonnaise on a cheeseburger is an asshole. I've had it and enjoyed it, and plenty of people who you've never met, some good friends of mine, slather mayonnaise on cheeseburgers, and they are definitely not all assholes (sure, some are are, but definitely not all).
Otherwise, excellent report. When I get called for jury duty it always seems to be grand jury, which is all week for a month.
@anonymous271: I said that people who put mayonnaise on cheeseburgers are: "Assholes who take their marching orders from barking dogs inside of their crazy-ass, looney tune heads." Big difference between that and your everyday asshole. Mayonnaise does not belong on a cheeseburger, near a cheeseburger and I'm sad to have used both words several times housed that close together in a sentence.
I've never had to serve on a grand jury.