July 26, 2011

Okay, tonight I’m off to a bar to search for something and this time it’s not a swizzle stick, that’ll be tomorrow night. Jaws designed some cool T-shirts with the patented, “Sip Ahoy” catch phrase that Uncle Waltie invented. I got one for myself and one for Uncle Waltie so tonight I’m going to go the International Bar and make the presentation. Eastward, ho! (And sorry about calling you a ho.)

Down into the subway we go...

And baboom! Through the magic of the internet, here we are in the East Village. The heat has finally broken and it's nice out tonight.

There's one little problem with this sign and the arrows pointing you where to play Lotto...

They point out to the street. Oh well, just watch out for traffic as you're picking your winning numbers.

Here we are at the International Bar and there's Uncle Waltie in the window!

He was seated window-side with Bill. Time to present him with the Sip Ahoy t-shirt.

Sip Ahoy!

And here we are modeling the shirts. Great work, Jaws!

Uncle Waltie has his on and here we are, brothers in Sip Ahoy land!

Okay, let's take tour of the bar and see what's shaking.

Here's Tyler at the bar.

Some of the lit up bottles behind the bar.

And look who's on the other side of the bar for a change...

It's Molly along with John on the left and DJ Mojo on the right. Cheers!

The Sip Ahoy sign I brought in the other week is a permanent fixture of the bar now. And I'm proud of that!

Here's Aislings, the super cute bartender for the evening. What a great smile!

Joe works the door and hasn't thrown me out yet, so the night is going good.

And as we make our way full circle back to the window, here's Uncle Waltie with the lovely Barbara.

Let's put some tunes on the jukebox.

The Yardbirds! I once drove to Memphis with the Yardbirds drummer, Jim McCarty, I'll have to write about that one of these days.

I had to put on a few Neil Young songs in honor of Al!

You know it's a true East Village jukebox when they have the Dictators, "Go Girl Crazy" on the jukebox.

And my last few selections were a few Sam Cooke songs.

Okay, after several rounds it's time to say, "Sip Ahoy" and head home.

Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

International Bar
120 1/2 First Avenue (Near 7th St.)
212-777-1643

Further reading: Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, EV Grieve, Downtown NYC Bar Project and Jaws the Cabbie Online Store.

You Might Also Like: Jungle Juice, Jungle Gym and Jungle Jim.

Five Famous Catch Phrases
“These go to 11.”
"Yeah, that's the ticket."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Whassup?"
"Houston, we have a problem."

I can't get your love, I can't get satisfaction,
Uh-oh, little girl, psychotic reaction.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

July 25, 2011

Okay, tonight is both a reunion and a blog summit with my friends from the grand and lively blog, The Half Empty Glass. I’m meeting the two excellent writers of the blog, Fat Al and anonymous271 and commenter jco will be along as well. This get together was prompted by anonymous271’s longing for schnitzel. He wrote this post and then promised a week of schnitzel entries. I love schnitzel and was excited to read the upcoming schnitzel diaries of anonymous271. Sadly, it appears it was all a cruel joke, as he never wrote another word about schnitzel on the blog. He’s had a bit of a mean streak running through him ever since Katie trounced his ass at tic-tac-toe last year. A couple weeks ago I asked for his hand in marriage and he completely ignored me. I will address that tonight!

Alright, jco chose the spot, Hallo Berlin and it’s a place I went to on the old bar crawl last year. In fact it’s been over a year ago...flies are fun when you’re having time—I was there on May 23rd. It was bar number 133, let’s go see if it’s changed at all.

I thought I'd splurge and take a taxi there. And the air conditioner is actually working in this one, a modern day miracle!

Hello, Berlin!

Let's go inside and see what's what.

The bar looks just the same and there's plenty of seats.

And before I even sit down, I got to meet two of the pretty women who work here, Marie and Latoya.

There's comfortable chairs and tables up front.

And in the back room tables line the walls.

And in true beer hall fashion, there's a beer garden out in the back with picnic styled tables and umbrellas.

Meanwhile back at the bar Latoya helps a man with his takeout order.

A long shot of the bar.

Some press on the wall.

And even more press on the wall. This place has more ink than a cephalopod.

I love the Marlene Dietrich poster on the wall.

Some of the drafts available at the bar.

Hallo Berlin!

And hello Half Empty Glass crew! From left: jco, Fat Al (fuzzed out because if I reveal his true identity my life would be over before I hit publish on this blog post, it's a long story that you don't want to know) and anonymous271.

Despite the heat, we chose to tough it out and eat out in the beer garden.

And dinner is served. We all had the schnitzel in honor of anonymous271 And speaking of anonymous721, I decided to confront him about my marriage proposal...

And it turns out he's got eyes for Gumby. Oh Gumby, you ignorant slut! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Hallo Berlin
626 Tenth Ave. (Near 44th St.)
212-977-1944

Further reading: The Half Empty Glass, New York Magazine,  Germany in New York City and Time Out New York.

You Might Also Like: Bosoms, Bosom Buddies and Bosom Buttons.

Five Other Half Empty Glasses on the Internet
Wikipedia
Pessimist Mug
The Half Empty Glass (I smell a lawsuit in the works!)
{codesqueeze}
White Dove Books

In Berlin, by the wall,
you were five foot ten inches tall,
It was very nice,
candlelight and Dubonnet on ice.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

-------------------------
Bonus Danny Maness Book Alert!
My friend, Danny Maness has a new book out called, “Hitchin’—God’s Way of Letting You Know You Don’t Have A Car.” Danny Manny lives in Pekin, Illinois and is so crazy he actually makes me look normal, so you should really check out his book. It’s heelarious in places and heart-warming in the other spots. And there’s three spots that will give you an acid flashback, even if you’ve never done acid! So it’s got a lot going for it. Plus there’s great photos, original artwork by Jason Heath and I get an acknowledgement in it! What does my acknowledgement say? Buy the book and find out, you cheap ass! Click on this link and you will be magically transferred to the land of Danny Manny Maness—Hitchin’ Blog. Tell him I sent you and you’ll be charged an extra dollar!

July 24, 2011

Live, From New York, it’s Saturday Night Cheeseburger. Your host this evening is Sylvia’s and featuring the Ready For Prime Beef Player, Marty Wombacher. Ladies and Gentlemen, from all the way up in Harlem, Sylvia’s!

Okay, the last two nights I've stuck pretty close to home, so I thought we'd travel all the way up to Harlem tonight, in spite of the still blazing heat. I found a place called Chez Lucienne which is a French Bistro in Harlem that's supposed to have great cheeseburgers, so that's tonight's destination. I'm covered in sweat already and I've only walked three blocks so far!

Wow, it looks like a sauna down there. Away we go!

Goddamn it's hot down here and it smells like a combination of urine and moldy ass. Everyone's doing the heat stroke Zombie walk.

Come on train! Don't be in vain.

Ladies and gentlemen, The White Stripes!

Finally!

It's a crowded car, but at least the air conditioning is working, so I'm not complaining.

And here we are, Harlem uptown Saturday night.

Alright, here's the place, Chez Lucienne. Let's go inside I have a powerful thirst and appetite by now!

Goddamn, it's packed in here!

The bar is tiny and there's not one seat open. Shit, time for plan B.

The Red Rooster is right next door and just opened last year. I've been meaning to check this place out, so let's do it.

The bar here is big, but there's not a seat to be had here either. Looks like I need to develop plan C.

And plan C would be the legendary Sylvia's restaurant.

Let's check it out, if there's no seats in here, I'm going to the nearest deli and getting a sandwich and a beer. I'm about ready to faint from heat exhaustion and hunger.

The main dining room is crowded, let's check out the bar.

I see the bartender and two pretty women...

And one empty seat! Eureka! Let's go snag it.

And here's the two lovely ladies seated next to me: Gabriella and Nneka.

The friendly bartender on duty is Blake and he's pictured with the pretty hostess, Grissel who we met last year on the bar crawl.

Here's Blake in action behind the bar.

Fresh cornbread is served, which means my meal is not far behind.

I know it's Cheeseburger Saturday Night, but you gotta get the chicken and waffles when you're at Sylvia's, it the rules. I'll get a cheeseburger next week, I promise!

Here's a picture of Sylvia on the wall...

The Queen of soul food!

Bottles of Sylvia's signature hot sauce lined up on a shelf to buy and take home.

President Obama enjoying the food at Sylvia's. He's here with Rev. Al Sharpton who got reflected out in my photo. Sorry, Al!

Soul royalty! The Queen of soul food with the Godfather of soul music, James Brown. I feel good!

That was a great meal and now it's back out into the heat. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow, after dark.

Further reading: New York Magazine, 365 Bars, One Stop Harlem and NY Times.

You Might Also Like: Daisy May, Daisy Dukes and Daisy Buchanan.

Five Songs About Harlem
Spanish Harlem by Ben E. King
The Harlem Shuffle by Bob and Earl
Harlem by Duke Ellington
Spanish Harlem Incident by The Byrds
Harlem Hospitality by Cab Calloway and His Orchestra

 

Summer night in Harlem, man it's a really hot,
Well it's too hot to sleep, and I'm too cold to heat.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

July 23, 2011

Okay, I had to work late and I’m pretty fucking beat. Since I didn’t go anywhere last night, I figure I should make some sort of an effort to go somewhere tonight. But it’s after one in the morning and I’m fucking tired...I think you know where this is leading, sorry to ruin your Saturday, Al, but it must be done. Oh I’m also going to scan in the “16 Beers” article and I’ll put it below tonight’s photos. I don’t know if you’ll be able to read it, but we shall see. New York and the rest of most of the country has been one big stinking steam bath, I'm hoping its cooled down a bit, let's go see.

Holy shitballs, it's hotter than a sack of stolen diamonds shoved up Satan's asshole out here! Let's get to some air conditioning pronto!

And here we are, the oasis of Penn Station. I hope it's cool in there.

And here's some jackass pushing everyone out of his way as walks down the escalator. And there's stairs about two inches away. But at least this way we get a lovely look at his bald patch he's trying to hide with his dread locks. Lovely!

Grumbler alert!

At least it's cool in here and we're getting close.

We're here, where's the beer?

Well, that answers that question.

Kind of crowded in here tonight, I think I'll take a seat in the back.

Gumby's settled in.

No dog tonight, just beer. I had a late dinner and it's too hot out to eat. Sorry, Gene!

All three of these guys can't stop texting. Hi assholes!

One beer down...

And one to go! I'm finally beating the heat.

Aaahh, the place is finally emptied out and it's nice and relaxing in here. And cool.

Okay, an obligatory Papaya Dog mirror shot...

And it's back into the heat of the night. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: Superman Home Page, 365 Bars, facecrack and Smoking Hot Waitress.

You Might Also Like: Chicken Fingers, Lady Fingers and Sticky Fingers.

Four “That’s Hot” YouTube Videos
That’s Hot
That’s Hot
That’s Hot
That’s Hot

Hot As Sun

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

--------------------------------------

Bonus "16 Beers in 16 Bars in 16 Hours" Time Out New York Story!

Yesterday a few people said they'd like to see this story, so I scanned it in. If you squint real hard and put on a pair of magnifying glasses, you just might be able to read it.

--------------------------

R.I.P. Amy Winehouse

I slept in today and just found out she died. Say what you will about her personal life, she was a great singer, songwriter and musician.

July 22, 2011

Shit, this is a first. I’m just getting ready to go and I went to get my camera out of my bag and I must’ve forgot to pack it and left it at home. I had a plan for tonight, but I’m not going all the way home and then going out again, so I’ll do what I was going to do next week. So what about tonight? Well, I guess you’ll get some shots of my apartment. Hey, what are you going to do?

Okay, first things first, time to finally drink that Sol after repeated urgings from Britta and Clacky joined in last night.

And here it is, the lone bottle of Sol, finally out of the fridge.

And here's the oblgatory mirror shot of me drinking the beer. Cheers to Britta, Clacky and to all of you. And to Shawn Chittle for buying the beer in the first place!

A sip for Gumby.

And a shot of Gumby in the cup. He's a little more eliusive than the other Gumby and is reluctant to have his photo taken, so enjoy this rare shot.

This air conditioner is 8-years-old. I got it on sale from PC Richards for 93 bucks. I can't believe it still works, but it does. And on a scorching night like tonight, I'm thankful for it.

I think I've posted this picture before, but it's worth posting again, the "Funny Cry Happy" store on 14th Street. Sadly it's now a cell phone store. Ecch.

Joan Jett and a couple of Handcuffs buttons.

X-Ray Gogs, a present from Frank Scott, he'll probably be amazed I still have these. Maybe we'll even get a rare comment from him, but probably not.

Here's a Shamwow animal from my friend Ash.

A pile of books.

Here's an issue of Time Out New York where I wrote a story called, "16 Beers in 16 Bars in 16 Hours." Kind of a precursor for my 99 Beers book and 365 Bars. I got a cover line on the issue, so I was happy with that.

The first page of the article. Look at me with no grey hair!

Look at this old Life magazine with Charles Manson on the cover. I remember reading this as a kid and it kind of scared me.

Susan Atkins and Charlie Manson on the lead pages of the Life story.

A picture of a fat cat is the last page "Parting Shot" for the issue.

My two heaters, I won't be needing these guys for a while. Hey, what's that in-between them...

Aaaahhhh!

Further reading: MedicineNet.com, FamilyDoctor.com, About.com - Psychology and NY Apartments.

You Might Also Like: Rubber Biscuits, Plastic Donuts and Velvet Apples.

Four Famous People Who Suffered With Alzheimer's
Glen Campbell
Ronald Reagan
Perry Como
Shit I Can’t Remember the Fourth One!

You're just a memory of a love,
That used to mean so much to me.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

--------------------------

Bonus Magazine Cover From Jaws!

Jaws sent in this magazine cover from 1979. It's the Progressive letting loose with the H-Bomb, a distant cousin to the F-Bomb if I remember correctly. Thanks, Jaws!

July 21, 2011

EV Grieve reported yesterday that a new Subway sandwich store was celebrating a “Grand Opening” on Avenue B in the East Village. The Mars Bar gets shut down one day and a fucking Subway opens the next. It pretty much sums up the direction of this city and it gives me the goddamned heebie jeebies. This city is being overrun by chain stores and restaurants and soon it’s going to be one big fucking strip mall.

The thing I don’t get is why people in New York eat in a place like Subway? When I lived in Peoria, I ate at Subways and other chain restaurants because sometimes the closest place to get a fresh sandwich was miles away. I guarantee you there’s a deli within two blocks of this shithole, that serves better sandwiches and they’re locally owned and run. I’ve decided to get the same sandwich at both places then bring them home and do a comparison study.

We're taking a subway to a Subway. Irony at its finest hour.

Okay, through the magic of the internet you're spared a subway ride that included a screaming baby on the car and the mother leaving the kid in the stroller, pretending to be oblivious to the whole thing. People, if you're going to breed, be responsible for your little monsters. I was going to transfer to the L train, but decided just to get off here at Union Square and hoof it over to Avenue B.

And it's off we go. Holy moley, it looks like I'm having an acid flashback here!

As usual there's a line stretching out into the street at Artichoke. The pizza here is supposed to be real good. I'll never know, though. I'm not about to wait in line for fifteen minutes to get a fucking slice of pizza.

And here we are, the grand opening of Subway in the East Village. It doesn't look too grand to me, but let's check it out anyway.

Look at this sign in the front window. It looks like someone vomited between two slices of bread. Barf-O-Matic.

It's tiny inside and looks like every other Subway chain. Cookie cutter restaurants with cookie cutter menus.

For drinks you get your choice of something from the soda fountain...

Or bottled soda or water from this cooler. I decided to get my drink at the next place. I'm guessing there will be beer there. Goodbye Subway, I hardly knew ye, and thank fuck for that.

Okay, I've got my shittly little sandwich from Subway. Now, less than a block away...

Is Brother's Candy & Grocery.

Now these look like my kind of sandwiches!

They have about anything in here you would want...

Including fresh sandwiches from this counter.

The have a whole wall of coolers with drinks. And they've got beer here!

And everyone's friendly in here, this fellow even posed for a photo while holding my purchases. Okay, time to head home and take the comparison test.

Okay, we'll look at the Subway sandwich first, which is packaged in this gaudy clear Subway bag.

And here's the sandwich. You don't see any meat sticking out of it for good reason...

There's just three slices of pre-sliced ham inside this flat-ass sandwich. It's got less meat in it than Karen Carpenter had on her bones two days before she died. And the yellow stuff you see is mainly mustard, I asked for cheddar cheese and they put about a teaspoon of shredded cheese on this sandwich. Time for the taste test.

While I'd like to say it taste's like shit, I really can't. It just tastes like nothing. There's not enough ham to taste and it just tastes like you're eating a bread sandwich. And while the bread is fresh, there's no taste to it. Just white bread. How fitting.

And now on to the Brother's sandwich. It comes packaged in this black bag. Nice, it almost looks like black leather.

Now that's a goddamn sandwich! It's spilling off the plate!

Inside there's slices of fresh cheddar cheese and piles of ham. And lettuce and spicy mustard to boot. Let's take a taste...

Delicious! And a local business a half a block away from the evil and substandard Subway. I think my point is proved. Now it's time for dessert.

I think I mentioned that Brother's sells beer! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Brother's Candy & Grocery
542 E. 14Th St. (@ Avenue B)
212-473-8308

Further reading: EV Grieve, Dead Tree Media, Endless Gibberish and The Suck Report.

You Might Also Like: Good Morning America, Good Afternoon Mr. Gibson and Goodnight Irene.

Other Chains
Chains
Chain Letter
Chain of Fools
Alice in Chains
Chain Lightning

You don't realize that it's all compromise,
And the problems are so overrated.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

July 20, 2011

Okay, it’s Tuesday night and that means it’s my night to go to a bar and see what kind of a swizzle stick they stick in a double gin and tonic in a tall glass. A few weeks ago, Biff suggested going to the King Cole Bar in the St. Regis Hotel. I’ve been in there with Biff and I went there on the bar crawl. I do remember getting their signature drink, The Red Snapper and then being somewhat shocked that after I gave the bartender a twenty dollar bill, only two dollars came back to me! I could cheat and go look at a picture of the drink from 365 bars, but I’m not going to. And tonight we’ll see not only if I get a swizzle stick, but what a double gin and tonic costs in this fancy schmancy joint.

I decided to walk to the place rather than go down into the steambath of the subway. It's just 24 blocks away from here on Fifth Avenue.

Creat your own pasta? If I wanted to do that, I just stay at home and crack open a can of Beefaroni. Assholes!

Honey, I shrunk the Statue of Liberty.

Okay, we're almost there and I've worked up a powerful thirst on this walk.

Wow, that's an impressive food cart, I'll have to sample some of the foods here one of these nights.

And here we are, The St. Regis Hotel. For those of you not in the know, St. Regis is the patron saint of all talk show hosts and sidekicks. He invented the word, "Hiyo!"

Here's the front desk. Crazy to think that in this day and age people actually have enough money to stay here.

Down the marble hallway...

And here we are. Wow, it's crowded for a Tuesday night.

All the seats are taken at the bar...

But I managed to squeeze in to a standing area at the end of the bar.

And here's Mike the bartender who happily takes my order for a double gin and tonic.

And yes, we have a swizzle stick! It's not glass, but it is durable plastic and adorned with an "R" for Regis.

Here's Andrew and Kevin who were helping me hold down the eastern end of the bar. Nice guys.

The drinks aren't cheap here, but they do have the best bar snacks in the world.

Wow, those sliders and French onion soup look really good. Maybe I'll splurge some week and come here for Cheeseburger Saturday Night.

A waiter offered to take a photo of Mike and I, so why not. Even Gumby got in on the action!

Okay, the coctail napkin is empty and this isn't a place to hang out at all night unless you just won the lottery. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Price of a double gin and tonic in a tall glass: $35.00
Swizzle stick? Yes! Pictured below.
The Collection is pictured below, including the latest offerings from Goggla (the disco-lit ones), a San Francisco Trolley Car from Paul Scanlon and several from Kate including one that has a whistle on it!
King Cole Bar Lounge
St. Regis Hotel
2 E. 55th St. (@Fifth Ave.)
212-753-4500

Further reading: Jeremiah's Vanishing New York, Manhattan Style, Slosh Spot and Village Voice.

You also might like: Noodles, Strudels and Padoodles.

Five Other Kings
King Kong
King of the Hill
Kingsize Taylor
King of the Road
Fu King Chinese Restaurant

Give me about a half a teacup of bass,
Now I need a pound of fat back drums,
Now give me four tablespoons of boiling Memphis guitars,
This is going to taste all right.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

July 19, 2011

Well, we knew it was coming, Mars Bar is closed for good. EV Grieve had the story yesterday at his fine blog, here’s the post: That’s It: The Mars Bar is closed for good. So it turns out we were there on the last day. Fuck, where am I supposed to go this Easter? Cheers and farewell to the Mars Bar and anyone whoever had twelve too many in there. Check out Goggla’s flickr page for great and definitive Mars Bar photos. I and others consider her to be the official documentarian of Mars Bar and she nailed the joint in this tribute: “Cry, ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war...”

Mars Bar—Hank and Ray, July 17, 2011. One for the road.

I’m still hungover from the Chillmaster Dance Party III a little tired tonight, and kind of bummed out about Mars Bar, so I thought I’d try to find someplace close to home to go to. I enjoyed going to the Super Taco Truck last week and I found another late night taco truck nearby where I live, on the corner of 14th and 8th. It’s called El Idolo and they have two buck tacos there, so let’s go check it out!

Okay, it's a straight shot down 8th to 14th street and then it's taco time!

Gumballs!

The answer to the question: "Does anybody really know what time it is?"

Goddamn it's humid out here tonight and now it's starting to spit rain, let's find this goddamned taco truck already!

And here we are...

Now where's this taco truck?

Hello!

And due to the heat and sprinkling rain, there's not much of a line here. Let's go get a taco.

There's lots of items to choose from, but I'm going to stick to the original plan of a taco. You usually can't go wrong with that order at a taco truck.

This friendly fellow took my order.

As you can see, the truck is sparkling clean.

And quicker than you can say: "¿Dónde está mi taco?" Dinner is served!

And it's a delicious taco! Very nicely prepared!

One of the secrets to eating at a food truck is learning to lean in to the truck and this gentlemen has it down pat. Let's go say hi.

His name is Jeff and he was a good sport for letting me take his photo. Happy taco trails, Jeff!

And, just a block away from the taco truck is the Donut Pub, time for a little dessert!

I was going to get a donut, but those chocolate chip cookies look really good.

And look, my cookie is served!

It was really good.

And now it's time to go home and drink about 23 toasts to the Mars Bar. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: Jeremiah's Vanishing New York, EV Grieve, The Gog Log, Slum Goddess and NY Times.

You also might like: Bill or George or anything but Sue!

Five Other Tacos
Holy Taco
New York Taco
Taco
Taco Tunes
Swedish Jesus Taco

C.J. now, hit the gas,
Hear Marky kick your ass,
Go, Johnny, go, go, go,
Go Tommy, O-way-o.

ARCHIVES

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)
----------------------------------
Bonus Linkage!

Secret Weapon!
“Boris” and Gidget’s Secret Weapon Show got a nice write up at the Broken Hearted Toy blog written by Terry Flamm. Check it out here, it’s the eighth item down: Secret Weapon on Broken Hearted Toy. And of course Secret Weapon can be heard only on Woody Radio.

-----------------

Blarney! At Grade “A” Fancy!
MAD pals, Karen and Jon have a wonderful new entry at Grade “A” Fancy celebrating the history of the Blarney Stone bars in NYC. Wonderful writing and artwork, check it out here: Blarney!