September 9, 2011

As you know from my nightly whining, it’s been one hell of a week. It started out with a bang and kept on booming. We’ve had a job at work that we had to get out this week and I’ve been working 12 to 14 hour days and nights. I’m really burned out tonight, so I’m going to put out something I wrote a few years ago when I was blogging on MySpace. Anybody remember MySpace? Anyone...anybody...Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...(yes, I plan on running this right into the ground like everything else!)

Anyway, back then Rachael Ray was doing her 30 Minute Meal show on the Food Network and it used to drive me batty. I couldn’t understand how this woman got a show on television. And now she’s got her own network show, a magazine and endorsement deals out the wazoo. How this woman turned herself into a brand is something I’ll never understand. But back when I wrote this, she was still doing her “Thirty Minute Meals” show on the Food Network and I wondered what it would’ve been like if she had joined forces with Charlie Manson and his family back in 1969. I think it would’ve gone a little something like this.

Rachael Ray: Good evening, kids and welcome to Thirty Minute Murders! I’m your host and Manson family member, Rachel Ray! Tonight we’re going on the road to violently maim and murder a whole houseful of perfectly innocent people, all in the name of our personal Jesus, Charlie Manson! And we’ll do this in under 30 minutes, leaving us plenty of time to attend the group orgy with the rest of the family later on tonight! These pigs are gonna go, blam-O! So let’s get in the car and get moving, kids! This is going to be so awesome!

Rachael Ray: Okie, dokie! I’m here in the car with my trusty sous murderers! Yay! How are we doing, gang?

Charles “Tex” Watson: I'm the devil, and I'm here to do the devil's business.

Rachael Ray: Well, I hope you’ve got a devil of an appetite, Tex! I’ve brought a bag of sammies I prepared for our drive! You should never murder on an empty stomach, so I’ve brought some homemade ham sammies! Yum-O! I made them with ingredients I found abandoned in the Winn Dixie trash cans on Alameda Drive! I really scored on this dumpster dive, guys! I found a half a loaf of Wonder Bread, sure it’s moldy, but it’s a lovely shade of blue! You eat with your eyes as well as your mouth, kids! I found some loose slices of ham on the bottom of the trash bin and I was hoping to score some EVOO to finish the sammies off, but there was none to be had! So I guess our sammies will be EV-NO, NO! Ha ha ha! Get it, gang? EV-NO, NO! I have no EVOO! Ha ha ha! What an awesome joke! Hey Susan, are you ready for a sammie? They are Yum-O!

Susan Atkins: Death to political piggies.

Rachael Ray: Right on Susan! (handing her a sandwich) And this little piggie went to market! Chow down, sister, it is dee-lish! I love sammies!

Susan Atkins: Rise and kill. Their pleasant little world will soon be a bloodbath. The pigs will die.
Rachael Ray: And they’ll die in under thirty minutes! I am so excited! This is going to be so awesome! Okay gang, 10050 Cielo Drive, we’re here! Now the drive only took 5 minutes, so that gives us a whopping 25 minutes to get in the house and kill all the pigs inside! Oh and Charlie always says to leave something witchy behind, so I’ve decided we’ll paint the walls with the victims own blood, or as I like to call it, VOB! After all gang, you murder with your eyes as well as with your hands! Yay! Linda, why don’t you stay in the car and be the lookout in case any pigs come around.

Linda Kasabian: Charlie is not the executioner or the devil. He is my God.

Rachael Ray: Speaking of executioners, I hope you’re all ready gang, because we’ve got just under 23 minutes to execute these pigs and decorate the house in their VOB! Okay kids, one, two, three, let’s get in there and kill the pigs! Wham-O!

Charles “Tex” Watson, Susan “Sadie Mae” Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkel and Linda Kasabian:(in zombie-like unison) Kill the pigs. Death to pigs.

Rachael Ray: Okay, we’re in the house and we have corralled all our victims in under three minutes! How awesome is that, gang? That leaves us plenty of time for brutal killing and murder. Tex has just wrapped a rope around Jay Sebring’s neck. He’s using a rope that he brought from the ranch, but if you don’t have rope, improvise! You could use an electrical cord, copper wire, a phone cord...sometimes I like to go native and use my bare hands! Yay! Sadie has just stabbed Voytek Frykowski to death and she’s carving something into his forehead! She’s using a serrated knife, which is also an excellent knife to cut fresh bread with!  She used a towel to tie his hands together, but you could also tear up some of the victim’s sheets and use them as well! Be creative in your killing, gang! It makes it so much more fun when you add your own little gruesome touches to the murder scene! Tex just finished off Abigail Folger by violently stabbing her 51 times and she is dead-O! Yay, all the pigs are dying, just like Charlie wanted and they’re dying in under 30 minutes, kids! This is so awesome! Wowee, Susan just stabbed Sharon Tate to death and she’s carving the unborn fetus out of Sharon’s stomach! Oh, baby! Wheee! I love murder! Yay!

Susan Atkins: I feel no mercy for this pig.

Rachael Ray: Speaking of pigs, there’s still some ham sammies left in the car for the ride home, gang! Okie dokie, everyone’s dead and the gang is now starting to paint the wall’s with the VOB! I think I’ll join in! First I’ll need a paint brush, though! Time to improvise, kids! What I’m going to do is to pull a hunk of Sharon’s hair right out of her scalp and tie the bottom with a rubber band she had around her wrist! Voila! Instant paint brush! This is so awesome! Now let me dip the brush into some VOB and start painting! In honor of my deelish ham sammies, I’m painting “death to pigs” on the refrigerator! This is so much fun! Tex and the rest of the gang have covered the walls with VOB and we have finished this 30 minute murder, with plenty of time to spare! Looks like we’re going to be able to make tonight’s drug fueled orgy back at the Spahn ranch, easily! I just hope I don’t get partnered up with Squeaky, she doesn’t like to bathe and it’s a little funkified when you go south of her border, kids! Yuck-O! We’ll see you next time on Rachel Ray’s Thirty Minute Murders! Till then, death to the pigs, rise and kill and of course, Helter Skelter! Hey, it’s coming down fast, gang! Yay!

Further reading and watching: Bored Board, facecrack, charlie manson.com and The Daily Mail.

You Might Also Like: Tofu, Toto and Toe Jam Football.

Three Other Rachel’s
Rachel Maddow
Rachel Zoe
Rachel and Friends

In their eyes there's something lacking,
What they need's a damn good whacking.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

September 8, 2011

Okay, I’ve been a little behind on my blogging here, but there’s been good reason. Work has been absolutely nuts, I had to work late Tuesday and then double back and be in by ten in the morning Wednesday and the whole thing started snowballing Monday night. Monday night was Labor Day and I had the night off from work. For that night’s post, I was going to walk to 14th Street and see if I could get six people to pose for a photo and do my “Six Pack” feature. But as I was getting ready to go, what sounded like a bomb went off and it shook the building I live in. It scared the living shit out of me and about three minutes later I heard another blast go off. Then within a couple of minutes I heard sirens wailing outside. I didn’t really want to go out, I was scared of what was waiting, but I walked down the stairs and looked out my front door. When I looked outside I felt sick.

Firetrucks lined the streets, there was smoke in the air and throngs of people were spilling out on to the sidewalk. I could see flames a few feet away in the street. All I could think was that this was September 11th part two. I asked a couple people what was going on and no one knew. Instinctively I grabbed my camera and started taking pictures. I remember thinking, “If a smart bomb went off on my block, this will be one hell of a blog. I hope I live to see all the comments!”

And so, the rest of the evening is documented in the pictures below. To quote Alice Cooper, “Welcome to my nightmare!”

This was the view from my stoop. A little unsettling to look out and see this unfolding right in front of my building.

By now a lot of people are out here and no one is sure of what's going on. I can see a fire a little ways down and every now and again you hear a blast go off.

I just heard someone say a transformer blew up and it was under a car, hence the loud explosion noises.

It's smoky out here and a little nerve-rattling. A little too close to September 11th for this to be going on.

Water from this hydrant is spilling out into the street.

I went up to the firemen and asked if it was safe to be here. The one on the left said it was, but added, "If I were you, I'd get away from this for awhile." I thought that was a good suggestion.

And so off I went from my smoky block...

Out into the night.

And I ended up in front of one of the bars I hit last year on my bar crawl, Bunga's Den.

And there's a familiar face behind the bar, friendly bartender, Mark. Mark was a semi-regular on the bar crawl last year, not only was he on the Bunga's Den post, he was also featured here and here. Mark works every Monday in here, if you're in the neighborhood, stop by and have a drink and say hi.

The bar hasn't changed much from last year.

There's the lit up bottles behind the bar.

Alana was seated next to me and is a flight attendant who lives in New Mexico and is in town seeing friends. We had a nice chat with topics ranging from porn stars on planes, to Joey Buttafuoco to Mexican food.

After a few beers I walked back to my block to see what was happening.

Oh shit, it looks like it's been roped off.

A cop just told me I can't come back on the block, even though I live there. He said it would be opened up again in about an hour, Con Ed is working on the scene.

The cops are turning a blind eye on people drinking beer on the sidewalk until they can go home. I thought about joining them, but didn't really feel like standing and it still stunk of smoke there.

So it's back to the bar I go...

And Mark has a cold beer waiting for me. What a guy!

Okay, now it's closing in on midnight and the block is open. There's trucks and crews working and I see lights, so maybe we didn't lose any power. That would be great!

Fuck, the building is black. No power. I went in and it's hot and smells like smoke.

Oh well, at least I'm not the schmuck who parked over the transformer that blew up. I think this baby's totaled.

And of course people are taking pictures of it. It was probably all over facebook minutes later.

Three words came to mind while standing in my dark, unpowered hot apartment. Washington Square Hotel! It's Biff's hotel of choice when she comes to town, so I know it's nice...where the fuck has Biff been lately anyway? Biff? Biff...Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...

I'm really tired by now and just want to crash.

And here we are, room 907. The end of the night is finally near.

Aaaahhhhhh!

Further reading and watching: Con Edison, Huffington Post and YouTube.

You Might Also Like: Red Foxx, Cyrinda Foxe and Foxy Lady.

Four Things That Blowed Up Real Good! Neil Sedaka

The World

Brooke Shields

Homemade Cannons

 Strollin' on,
'Cos it's all gone,
The reason why.
You made me cry.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

-----------------------------

Bonus Linkage From Crazy Eddie and Mike Trent!

Crazy Eddie sent in this link which shows some criminal activity from a certain friend of our here at MAD. Check it out here: LA Times.

And Mike Trent saw a similar item here: San Diego Charter.

Thanks for the links, guys, I have to go bail out Gumby now. It never ends!

September 7, 2011

Okay, as most of you know, the end to my holiday weekend didn’t end up so well. Then work was really crazy and I had to stay late. And now I have to come in to work early today, so there won’t be much of a post today. Luckily I do have some items that you can check out and hopefully will justify your visit to MAD today. So in no particular order, here goes!

Shawn Chittle made a Chillmaster Dance video and it's hilarious! Check it out below, great work, Shawn!

Goggla snapped some great photos and captured the essence of the day with two fantastic videos of the Chillmaster Coney Island Trip over at The Gog Log and you can check them out here. The Gog Log Coney Island Photos.

Goggla also got some shots of Yours Fooly trying out the rope challenge and failing miserably! Click here to see those photos.

Lindsay got a nice shot of what Coney Island will look like next year after they ruin the boardwalk. Check it out here: Slow Night.

Kate put up three excellent photos that she took the night of the Coney Island trip. Click here to see them: One More Folded Sunset.

You still have time to vote for Jeremiah Moss for most valuable NYC blogger. You can vote by clicking on this sentence.

And last, but not least, look what Britta discovered while doing her laundry.

Aaaaahhhhh!

Oh well, at least I have power. Power to the people, right on. Could this song sound anymore outdated? Kind of sad. I once believed in this kind of stuff. Sad to know that it'll never happen. I wish it was 1969 again. Okay, off to work. Power to the people, right on. As Hunter S. Thompson said, "This song was ten years too late." Oh well, I feel lucky to have been alive when it was still a dream. Too bad we all woke up.

September 6, 2011

Aaaahhh! So last night a transformer blew up over a car near my apartment building and triggered a number of other explosions. It sounded like World War III and was really scary because for a while nobody knew what was going on. We lost the power in my building and still don't have any. I'm posting this from work. I'll try to follow up sometime today with a post from last night, but so far this is one suck-ass way to start a week!

P.S. I'm updating this from work and I have a bunch of rush jobs to do. I'll comment back on the Coney Island post and hopefully update this later. What a horrible fucking day so far.

UPDATE @4:54PM: And the hits just keep on coming. There's an error problem SquareSpace is having with comments. Hopefully it'll be fixed soon. Oh and my job is fucking crazy today. Maximum boozing for tonight.

Update @5:45 PM: Looks like they fixed the comments section. Hooray! Oh, work still sucks.

Here's a video from YouTube from last night.

And here's two requests from Al and Crazy Eddie. And work still sucks by the way, going to be here late tonight!

September 5, 2011

Okay, tomorrow’s a holiday, so that can only mean one thing: Chillmaster Road Trip Party To Coney Island!

And we're off. We're all meeting at the Chillmaster's place and then taking the subway out to Coney Island for the day and evening. It should be a lot of fun.

Here we are at the Chillmaster window, but the Chill Chair is empty.

Here he is, walking around the block with Victoria. Let the party begin!

Inside the Chilmaster Lair, having a drink or two and chilling out till everyone arrives.

And pretty soon, everyone has shown up. The party included: Goggla, Ed, Shawn, Lindsay, Eric, Kate, Victoria and of course, The Chillmaster. Time to hit the road and take the subway to Coney Island. This is the end of the captions, as I have a lot of photos to post and they pretty much all tell their own story. Thanks to everyone for coming along. It was a great day and evening of chilling the fuck out in Coney Island!

Thanks to everyone for coming along and making the day and evening a ton of fun! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: EV Grieve, One More Folded Sunset, Single Linds Reflex Photoblography, Shawn Chittle and The Gog Log.

You Might Also Like: Paper Plates, Paper Hats and Paper Planes.

 Four Other Islands
Island In The Sun
Celebrity Love Island
Galapagos Islands
Gilligan’s Island

Coney Island Baby.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photos From Lindsay!
Lindsay sent in a couple of excellent photos she took yesterday. Check out more of her photos here: Single Linds Reflex Photoblography. Thanks, Lindsay!

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More Bonus Photos From Kate!
Kate also sent in some great photos from yesterday. Check out more of Kate’s photography and writing here: One More Folded Sunset. Thanks, Kate!

Late Post Alert!

It's Labrador Day, so I slept in. Last night we had a Chillmaster Road Trip Party to Coney Island and I have a ton of photos to put up. But it'll take a couple hours to put the post together and I need to drink some diet Mountain Dew. So check back around 3PM and you can see the whole trip for yourself. Happy Laborious Day!

**UPDATE: It's taking longer than I thought, check back around 3:30PM. Thanks!

September 4, 2011

Live, from New York, it’s Cheeseburger Saturday Night! Starring Chat 'n' Chew and featuring the Ready For Prime Beef Player, Marty Wombacher. And now, one block away from MAD headquarters, please welcome Chat 'n' Chew!

The Chat 'n' Chew is just a block away from where I live. We took this walk last week, but everything was shut down due to Hurricane Tropical Storm Irene. I'm pretty sure we'll have better luck tonight.

Yes! They're open. I tried about ten shots to get the Chat 'n' Chew neon sign, but it wouldn't turn out. It says, "Chat 'n' Chew," trust me.

They have outside dining in the front here, but let's go inside and check it out.

Tables and a kitschy atmosphere greet you as you walk into the Chat 'n' Chew.

They've recently installed this large silver-topped bar in the front, so I decided to sit there.

And as soon as I sit down and get situated, Robbie, the friendly bartender happily serves up a Red Stripe.

At the front of of the bar is a subtle reminder that they serve pork chops in here.

They have a full bar here with drink specials every night.

Christmas lights, vintage signs and pictures decorate the walls and give the place a fun and festive feel.

Here's Jack, the manager of Chat 'n' Chew.

Ayda is filling up the ketchup bottles, I told her that Kari and Britta would appreciate this shot.

Meanwhile, back at the bar Robbie is busy filling orders.

And here's my dinner! I decided to change things up a bit and got the veggie burger instead of a beef burger. I got it with cheddar cheese and slathered it with mustard. Sorry Kari and Britta.

It was delicious!

And now time to head home and rest up for a road trip I'm taking on Sunday. Read all about that tomorrow! See you then, after dark.

My Meal
It was a first last night, instead of a beef burger, I got the Chat ‘n’ Chew’s Veggie Burger and it was great. I got it with cheddar cheese and it came grilled and it was really tasty. Not dry like a lot of veggie burgers are and the bun was bakery fresh. I always say the bun can make or break a good burger and this one definitely made it.

In addition to a turkey burger and a traditional burger called the “Holy Cow” the emphasis at Chat ‘n’ Chew is comfort food from your past. There’s meatloaf, mac and cheese (one of the best in New York in my  humble opinion), fried chicken and a roast turkey dinner with all the trimmings on the menu. Some of the specialty items include a TV Dinner which consists of: chicken fried steak, green bean casserole and skin-on mashed potatoes with country gravy; The Boss's Favorite which is a grilled steak sandwich on toasted garlic bread with lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, mushrooms, and horseradish mayo on ciabatta; and Thanksgiving On A Roll which is fresh roast turkey with homemade stuffing, cranberry sauce and mayo on ciabatta. Breakfast and lunch are also available and there’s also beer, wine and a full bar for your boozing pleasure.

Cheeseburger Rating
Three Cheeseburgers, a very good burger!

Chat 'n Chew
10 E. 16th St. (Between Fifth and Union Square)
212-243-1616

Further reading: New York Magazine, NY Times, Travel Channel and Black Book.

You Might Also Like: Dandruff and Dan Druff.

Yes, ‘Ive got the desert in my toenail,
And I hid the speed inside my shoe.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

September 3, 2011

It’s funny, the 365 Bars blog has been dormant for over a half a year, but it still gets a lot of hits and every once in a while I’ll get a comment there. I got an interesting one the other day and you should check it out. It’s right here, just scroll down to the end of the comments till you get to the comment left by Joe and then you can read my rebuttal.

It’s Friday finally and we have a three day weekend coming up and I can’t wait, it’s been a long week. Tonight I thought we’d take it easy and take some photos  while walking home down Fifth Avenue and take a stroll around Madison Park on 23rd Street.

And we're off. It's really nice out tonight. I hate to see the end of summer, but I always enjoy the fall. Winter I try not to think about.

I think I've posted this sign before, but it deserves another look. "Cigarettes & Candy." How Mayor Bloomberg hasn't shut this store down is a miracle.

Something tells me Sister Carol Perry is a bit of a cynic and good for her!

Scenes from a souvenir shop window: King Kong mocks the Statue of Liberty.

And here we are, the park is right across the street.

Madison Square Park.

No smoking in the park. Sheesh! Pretty soon they won't allow candy either.

It's nice and quiet on this side of the park, I'm surprised there's not more people milling around.

Plenty of park benches to relax on. I hear noise at the other end of the park, let's see what's going on.

Oh, I forgot, the original Shake Shack is here and this is where all the lemmings people are.

Wow, it's a full house. I've always been curious as to what the hell the attraction is here. How can a cheeseburger be this good? It's after 11:00 PM and I think the park closes at midnight, so there can't be much of a line. Maybe I'll finally be able to sample one. Let's go check it out.

Holy shitballs, look at this line!

It's at least a half an hour wait! Don't these people have anything better to do?

Well I do. I'm going to go home and drink the remainder of my Hurricane Irene beer stock. We'll get a cheeseburger tomorrow night. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: Wikipedia, a view on cities, Shake Shack and Madison Square Park.

You Might Also Like: Hash Browns, Cleveland Browns (GO BROWNS! Hi Biff!) and If It’s Brown Flush It Down, If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow.

Four Other Madison’s.
Madison Square Garden
James Madison
Dolley Madison
Dolly Madison

Don’t try to lay no boogie woogie,
On the king of rock ‘n’ roll.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)