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April 10, 2011

Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night Cheeseburger! Tonight’s host is The Dollar Burger in in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen and featuring the Ready For Prime Beef Player, Marty Wombacher. And now, please welcome the The Dollar Burger!

(My original destination was the Shake Shack on 44th and 8th, so that's how the narrative in the captions will read. Bear with me, it's been a long weekend.) Okay The Shake Shack is at 44th and 8th, so it's a 28 block walk, straight up 8th. I have to say I was a little ambivalent in choosing the Shake Shack. In case you haven't heard of it, The Shake Shack first opened up in the Madison Park as a food stand that specialized in cheeseburgers and custard. The cheeseburgers are supposed to be really good and soon there were lines so long, people were waiting over an hour just to get one. Now there's seven of these scattered around the city. I've always been curious as to whether the burgers are really that good, or whether it's just hype. I decided to pick the one on 44th and 8th, because that would attract mainly tourists, whom I don't think eat that late, even on a Saturday. By the time we get there it'll be close to 10 pm and I'm guessing there shouldn't be a line at that time of night. The only way we'll see is to get there. Onward and upward to 44th Street we go.

Wow, this store window could trigger an acid flashback. All the sudden I'm surrounded by talking hot dogs...help!

I like the ransom note quality of this sign.

Retail masturbation alert!

11 blocks to go, I'm starvin' like Marvin over here!

A moment of silence for a shuttered Papaya King. Sob!

Sheesh! You can't walk five blocks in this city without running into one of these goddamn one dollar pizza joints.

Oh no! Let's hope this idea doesn't start trending!

Okay, here we are, deep in the heart of touristville. We're almost there.

And here we are. Hey Shake Shack, could you make your sign a little brighter? It only burned the retina in my eyeballs half-way.

Jesus fucking Christ! There's a line out the godamned door.

And then once you get inside it looks like a chaotic mess.

The place is packed and there's no open tables. And it's so bright in there. I'm not feeling the love for Shake Shack, no matter how good their burgers are.

Plus these girls are dancing and screaming in front of the place. I know what I have to do.

I have to admit I was kind of intrigued as to what a dollar burger tasted like.

There's no line in here. Holy shitballs, look at how tall that guy is!

"Grilling Fresh While You Watch." There's a catch-phrase that would please both Chance the Gardner and Gidget! And note the unintended obligatory mirror shot at the bottom.

And here they are, hard at work assembling and cooking my dollar burger.

Sadly, they had no mustard. Your choice of toppings are mayonnaise and/or ketchup. In a moment that's sure to please Kari, I chose ketchup. Mayonnaise?

And here it is, in all its glory, the dollar burger!

This burger literally defines the adage: "You get what you pay for."

But at least there wasn't a line. Charlie Sheen on Friday and this on Saturday. Things can only go uphill from here. Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

My Meal
Actually it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that good either. What do you expect for a buck?

MAD Cheeseburger Rating:
One Wimpy.

Dollar Burger
Near the corner of 39th and 8th Avenue
I seriously doubt they have a phone.

Further reading: Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, Grub Street, Some Foodie Asshole and Midtown Burger.

You also might like: King Kong, Argyle Socks and Fancy Belts.

Four Shacks
Love Shack
Radio Shack

I heard it also rained in Tallahassee,
But not a drop fell on little old me.



Bonus Jaws Artwork

Jaws sent in some artwork to accompany the Dragnet Blueboy comments. Thanks, Jaws!

References (3)

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Reader Comments (19)

I've read where people have waited over three hours at those Shake Shack places. Insanity! How was the old stomach feeling after the dollar burger? LOL! You've certainly paid your dues this weekend!

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarfly

It looks like someone's self checking out didn't have a sock handy. Yay for ketchup!! That burger is so sad looking. Another night of taking one for the team, you deserve a special night.

King Kong, sexy argyle socks and leather belts...are you letting us in on a fantasy?

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkari

Oh my. I hope that dollar burger didn't make you feel sick!

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermeleah rebeccah

For a buck,,,not bad, eat three and your good to go for 3 bucks. I would never wait in line like that at Shake Shack, I am never that hard up for any food no matter how great it is. Same goes for bars,,,if its standing room only and some guy is behind me breathing down my neck,,,Im outta there, no six flags over a bar for me. I love Nancy Sinatra and Sugar Town was a great tune she hooked up with Lee Hazlewood for a lot of good music back then, Nancy was the bomb, still looks hot today.

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAl

No "Psychedelic Shack"?
THAT"S where it's at!

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter"Boris"

@Barfly: It's been quite a weekend indeed!

@kari: re: The fantasy: I'll never tell!

@Meleah: Actually it wasn't that bad. But I don't think I'll go back for a second one.

@Al: I hear you about crowded bars. I got stuck in a few of those last year on the 365 crawl and they were some of the worst nights of the year.

@"Boris:" Shit, I don't know how I left that one out! Great song!

April 10, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Oh my God ! ... that burger looks totally disgusting :( --- I think I would have just given it back to them !

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGENE

Mmmm...mmm...mmm. Nothing like toasted skin grafts on a bun to make your whole evening. At least you weren't on acid so's the burger might grow a face and scream at you to stop...HUHNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!
Say, does anybody out there remember the episode of Dragnet where detective Friday and his sidekick bust a pot party, and they find out the hippie stoners let their baby drown in the bathtub? Classic anti pot late sixties propaganda. Friday walks into the camera and crushes the lid just before the ending credits.

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaws the Cabbie

@GENE: What do you expect for a buck? It wasn't quite as bad as it looked.

@Jaws: I remember that one! One of the stoned people was painting the wall and then eating the paint. A classic episode. Do you remember the Blue Boy episode? Check out this link: http://twe.ly/cvib

April 10, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

retail masturbation alert! lmao! You never give up and that's what makes this blog so much fun! that's the thinnest burger i've ever seen. even a model wouldn't feel guilty eathing that thing! lol!

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrita r.

Maybe the Shake Shack only uses Hindu Cattle? I don't know how it could be worth an hour wait. Thanks for the hot dog video, that bitch was a cold blooded murderer! She should end up like Blue Boy.

April 10, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercsp

@ritar: Loved your model observation! Ha ha ha!

@csp: Back when it was just located in Madison Park, I heard about people waiting for three hours! R.I.P. Blueboy. He wanted go get further out...and he finally made it. Dum de dum dum...Dumb!

April 10, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

I did not just nearly piss in my pants when i saw this burger.........I unloaded all twelve beers on my shoes! That is a sorry ass piece of nothing! HAAAAAH! In all my life....i have never seen a burger that pathetic! Better luck next week! I'm still laughing.....sorry......Cracks me up!

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor Dungpie.

@MAD "Marijuana is the flame, heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb." Nice pricing structure. One emaciated patty=$1, 2 emaciated patties=$2.50, 3 emaciated patties=$3.25. How many smart asses do you think have ordered 3 single burgers for $3 to combine them into a triple burger and handed back the two extra buns?

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercsp

@Professor Dungpie: What cracked me up is that you can drink 12 beers without pissing! You are the Pisser King! You can do anything!

@csp: Ha ha ha! I didn't even think of that!

April 11, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

"I seriously doubt they have a phone." HA HA HA! You still gots it, Wombacher! That burger looked disgusting. I'm glad you didn't opt for the mayo - I imagine they keep it out on the counter all night. On the upside, it's nice to see a retail joint that's master of its own domain.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBiff

@Biff: "On the upside, it's nice to see a retail joint that's master of its own domain." Ha ha ha! YOU still gots it, Bifferoonie!

April 11, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Those people sitting in Shake Shack look like they're in SCHOOL.

And if that wasn't enough to take your appetitite away I don't know what is. Oh yeah, the line.

April 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGrade "A" Karen

@Grade "A" Karen: It does look like a grade school cafeteria, I'm never going back there again. Plus, I'm secretly in love with the dollar burger.

April 11, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

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