December 9, 2011
It’s been a little bit of a weird week for me. At the start of the week I got the sad news that my friend, Tony Ward, the owner of Mike’s Tavern which was the last stop on my bar crawl died. The next night I met friends at Bill’s Gay Nineties piano bar, a beloved midtown piano bar that is being threatened to be taken over by yuppie assholes who will surely gut the tavern and ruin it. A practice I refer to as: “Fedoradizing.” I invented that word after businessman Gabe Stulman bought the once wonderful, West Village bar/restaurant named after the lovely and beautiful owner, Fedora and then promptly bulldozed the place, took out everything that made Fedora’s charming and turned it into a shiny, shitty, plastic, yuppiefied, foodie facade of what it once was.
The greedy money-men that are trying to get their filthy mitts on Bill’s will do the same, I’m sure. The first thing to be tossed on to the scrap heap will be the piano—the heart and soul of Bill’s and then all the vintage photos and posters and finally the bulldozer comes in and then...voilà...they’ll turn it into a place that has all the unique charm of a T.G.I. Fridays with a thyroid condition. Why would someone ruin something that’s already perfect? The answer to that question is the punchline to the following old joke: “Q. Why does a dog lick his own balls? A. Because he can.”
Anyway, the thoughts of Tony’s death and the possible impending doom of Bill’s led me to think about when Fedora died, and how Gabe Stulman did nothing that I know of in her memory on the day and weeks following her passing. No condolences or tributes were posted on their website and I called there the night when the news came out and asked if they were open and I was told they were. I questioned if they were doing anything in Fedora’s memory and was told that they had no immediate plans, but maybe they would do something down the road. I have a feeling that that road is mighty long and nothing’s happened on it yet. All week I’ve been wondering if there’s at least a picture of her or something honoring her and the fine institution that was once, “Fedora’s.” I thought tonight I’d go there and see. Prepare your barf bags, this ain’t going to be pretty.
And it's off we go, it's starting to get cold outside. Brrrr.
And it's down into the bowels of the subway we go.
Wow, look at this ancient device. It's a giant cell phone that doesn't move. Fascinating!
All aboard!
Here we are in the West Village, time to take that sad walk to Fedora's.
There’s the new sign that Gabe Stulman put up. When I talked with Fedora shortly before it closed she told me that the new owner promised her two things: They’d leave the original neon sign up and they’d close early during the week as Fedora did out of respect for the neighbors living on the block. Right before it reopened, Gabe Stulman took down the original sign and replaced it with a new one claiming the original was crumbling away and couldn’t be restored. It’s weird, it looked fine to me when I looked at it shortly before Gabe ripped it out. Hard to believe it couldn’t have been fixed. Oh and while Fedora closed around 11:00 pm on week nights, he changed the hours to 2:00 am. He did promise Fedora he’d close early, I just think he forgot to tell her it would be early in the morning, not evening.
Its closed for a holiday party. Ah, just saves a trip to a place that's sold its soul to the devil. I looked in the window and it's no different than the last time I was in here.
You know, since this place no longer bears any resemblance or feeling to the original Fedora’s, they should just change the name of it altogether. To me, It’s an insult to the memory of what Fedora’s used to be. The name should be something to suit Gabe and his “Little Wisco” playmates, I’m just thinking off the top of my head here, but perhaps something like: “Cheddarhead’s Amnesia Factory.” Oh and pay no mind to that slurping noise you hear...that’s just Gabe Stulman, licking his own balls. Because he can.
Further Reading: Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, The Half Empty Glass and 365 Bars.
(Surprise link, click on it...I dare you!)
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Bonus Art From Jaws!
Jaws sent in this artwork to describe how he feels about the new Fedora. I feel your pain, Jaws! Thanks for sending it in!
22 Comments
Reader Comments (22)
(A practice I refer to as: “Fedoradizing.”)
I have my own name for this practice: "Roused Up", in honor of what those fuckhead Rouse people did to the South Street Seaport back in the 70's (yes, I tend to carry a grudge a long time...).
Fucking Ball Lickers!
Dogs are great aren't they? When they finish licking themselves all over their brownie, then they come and lick your face,,,,how happy is that? I can only hope that Bill's survives, I know piano bars like that are great fun, must be supported. I must add that those "dueling piano bars" that are popping up everywhere is not what I like at all. Now I pose this question,,,,Fedora's now is nothing like it was before, if she would of just closed it, then it would just be a memory. Is a memory better than a remodeled reincarnation of a bar. I say this because of a place down here which had exactly the same thing happen. All new inside, hard to recognize but still there, us regulars bitch about it, prices are higher,,,but it's still there,,,new owners,,, and then some regulars say to me,,,,,hey Al its better now, it was a dirty dump, now its all clean and still here,,,,get my point?
@Ken K. in NJ: I like "Roused Up!" Nice one!
@Professor Dungpie: Exactly odo, Quasimodo!
@Al: I hope that Bill's survives as its original self as well. And my answer to the memory question is the memory is better, especially if they destroy what was there and continue on with the name.
You'll find my official response regarding the fate of Fedoras in your e-mail Marty. Post if you want.
And the empire grows. Per Eater today:
--Little Wisco cannot and will not be stopped. Restaurateur Gabriel Stulman, owner of West Village restaurant trifecta Joseph Leonard, Jeffrey's Grocery, and Fedora, will take his growing empire (known as Little Wisco due to Stulman's predilection for hiring Midwesterners) ever eastward with the opening of Scopa next spring. He signed the lease on the old Bellavitae space at 24 Minetta Lane this week, and at last night's Community Board 2 SLA Licensing Committee meeting, he and his team won approval to seek a license there--
@Jaws: Thanks, I'll check it out soon!
@EV Grieve: Little Wisco is like a fungus you can't wipe out, ecch. And I'm not anti-Wisconsin, by any means, my good friend Professor Dungpie lives there. It's just that if I want to enjoy Wisconsin, I'll go visit there. Gabe and his ball-licking yuppie cronies give Wisconsin a bad name.
What was that Frank Zappa song?...Plastic people oh baby now your such a drag....
Little Wisco is like napalm burning through the city.
Truly a crime what happened to Fedora the bar.
I felt I knew Fedora (the owner through you).
I've nothing against Big Wisco.
Reminds me of a design I did about 25 years ago,
while still fueled in a full blown Alcohol and Cocaine Haze.
WISCONSIN
'Come Smell Our Dairy Air'
@thehennessey: Perfect!
@"Boris:" "'Come Smell Our Dairy Air' Ha ha ha! Great one, Daddio!
I hate to be picky, but their private party sign implies that their neighbors are not their friends. Which they probably aren't. Because Gabe Stulman is a fucker.
Would have been easier to make a phone call to see if they
Were open. Could have prevented the anxiety. What gets me is
The level of disrespect to the name and the level of dishonesty
Shown here. Moving right along....Fuck them all. Fuck them in their stupid asses.
@Biff: Nice point there eagle-eyes! You always catch something extra and I appreciate that!
@Clacky: I didn't think to call, just assumed they'd be open on a Thursday evening. Didn't think about the time of year. And yes, moving right along is a good idea, that's what I'll be doing tonight!
@TimClackDownUnder: speak your mind mate,,,,don't hold back,,,,lol
Sorry. Once I read the name Gabe, my mind plays 5 notes, then a voice starts singing, "Welcome Back".
It's so weird.
@csp: That's crazy!
damn have been tempted to go on a rant the last few post...ah but how borin'...was sorta glad MAD was unable to get beyond the door...could go on but "wild horses" and all...off topic..MAD has a bias against "little wisco" not "coz Stulman seems to turn whatever he touches to shit but it's rumored that graydon carter frequents these dung piles...if anyone gets a chance check what he wrote in "Dear Me'...
jaws...you do have too much time on your hands...
The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
Albert Einstein
rr
@rr: Regarding that lump of shit with a pulse Graying Farter, cue up "Whip It" by Devo! Great quote, as always!
Fedora, in the afterlife, is getting a hearty chuckle out of this post !
@GENE: Now that's a great thought!
makes me sad and cry about Fedoras
and my dog doesnt lick his balls.. sad on all points:(
@Gidgie: The saddest thing I've ever heard is that your dog doesn't lick his balls, what's wrong with him?