October 28, 2011

The other day, Kari left a comment about how she liked the colorful tiles in New York’s subway system. I like them too and my favorite subway tile stop is 50th Street on the 1 line. It’s got tiled artwork of Alice in Wonderland, so I thought I’d go there and take some pictures. It’s cold and rainy out tonight, so I thought I’d stay underground and take a subway ride and then take some photos.

It's stopped raining, but goddamn it's cold out here. It may be time to bust out my winter coat. I dread winter coming.

And here we are at Penn Station.

Nobody's walking on the escalator tonight and that's always a good thing.

Here's our platform.

Could the timing be any more perfect, here's the train, right as we get to the platform. I love it when this happens!

And bang-zoom, here we are at 50th Street. Let's go check out the Alice artwork.

Here's the Mad Hatter along with a rabbit and something that looks like an eggman. I need to brush up on my Alice in Wonderland characters.

And here's the other piece of Alice in Wonderland tiled art. I thought there was more than this. Two is a little bit of a gyp.

I was going to go across the street and check out the tiles on the other side and wait for a downtown train home. But I saw all the people waiting and an announcement came over the loud speakers that downtown trains were being delayed due to an accident at 72nd Street. I decided to bail on this and just get a cab home.

Fuck, this turned out to be one of those nightmare New York nights trying to get home. I went out of the subway station to get a cab and stood there in the freezing cold trying to get a cab for over a half an hour and there was none to be had. So I walked to 49th Street to take an N or R train to 14th Street and that station was closed. So I had to hoof it in the cold and wade through the tourists in Times Square and get a train from there. It was a real kind of After Hours trip home where over an hour later here we are. This post was a bit of a dud, but at least I've got something special below. Check it out.

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Go Ask Alice—The MAD Movie of the Week

Alice in Wonderland always makes me think of the Jefferson Airplane song, “Go Ask Alice,” which in turn always makes me think of this cheesy-ass movie that was shown on TV in the early ‘70’s called, “Go Ask Alice.” It was a 1973 ABC Movie of the Week, and it was based on a book of the same name that came out in 1971. The book was all the rage when it was published, as it was supposedly a young girl’s unedited, authentic diary about her dark descent into the world of sleazy and dangerous world of drugs. It was later found out the book was a scam and was written by an editor by the name of Beatrice Sparks. It was supposed to scare kids from wanting to take drugs. In 1971 I was in eighth grade and had only gotten drunk once, and had never tried drugs. After reading the book, I couldn’t wait to start trying them, I just didn’t know where to get any. A year later I started smoking pot and by the time this movie came on TV I was doing acid, speed, mushrooms and basically anything I could get my hands on. I remember watching this movie stoned out of my gourd and laughing like crazy at it. I’ve always wanted to see it again, but couldn’t find it on VHS tape or DVD through the years. Well lo and behold, I did a search tonight on YouTube and the whole fucking movie is there! So, I now present a first, a MAD Movie of the Week, for your viewing pleasure. I haven’t done drugs in over a decade, but if you do, I suggest getting high before you start watching. Me, I think I’ll just settle for getting drunk as a stinking skunk. Okay...lights...camera...William Shatner!

Further reading: Ephemeral New York, Laughing Squid and Mental Floss.


I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photo by Melanie!

Melanie from East Village Corner sent in this frightening photo where the Cardboard Box Man is marketing himself via hooded sweatshirts. It all seems so innocent...but it fills me with dread! Thanks for the photo, Melanie, it reminds all of us to keep on our toes and be vigilant of the Cardboard Box Man!

October 26, 2011

It’s Swizzle Stick Tuesday the night I go out to a bar in search of the ever elusive swizzle stick. I found a place in the Dream Hotel that looks really fancy called Rm.Fifty5. It doesn’t look like the type of place I’d hang out in, but sometimes you have to throw your personal preferences out the window (along with some hard-earned cash) when you’re swizzle stick hunting. Let’s see if we bag a swizzle.

I'm heading out a little earlier than usual, I'm taking a couple nights off work after three weeks of working double shifts. So I thought I'd splurge and take a cab to the bar.

Aerial cab shot out the window!

Okay, we're at 55th and Broadway, the bar is located in a hotel about a block away.

And here we are at the Dream Hotel, which houses the bar.

It's quite a fancy-Dan lobby with a tube-like aquarium in the middle. It's here that an employee hits me with the sad news that Rm.Fifty5 is having a private party.

But, there is a silver lining. I'm told that up on the 14th Floor, there's a bar called the Ava Lounge. It sounds good to me, I don't feel like taking that lonely walk to another bar in midtown. And awaaay we go!

It's nice and dark up here, let's snag a spot at the bar.

And here's the friendly and beautiful bartender Holly, serving up a double gin and tonic. Is that a swizzle stick in the glass?

Upon close inspection...

It's a black plastic straw. No swizzle for you! Wha wha wha whaaaa.

Zeem was seated next to me enjoying some wine. He's a model and designer. Check out his websites: Zeemrock.com and Zeemproductions.com.

An overhead view of my working area at the bar.

A longshot of the candlelit bar.

Here's the lounge area behind the bar. Candlelight and couches. It's got a real makeout vibe to it.

Here's the view from the window. It kind of made me dizzy, so I went back to the bar.

There's a picture of actress Ava Gardner at the end of the bar. It's called the Ava Lounge, because this space was once her apartment back in the day. Pretty cool to think that her and Frank probably hoisted a few cocktails right where I'm seated!

And Holly rings up the tab and it's time to call it a night. Goodnight, Frank, goodnight Ava, we'll see you tomorrow after dark.

Ava Lounge
In The Dream Hotel
210 W. 55th St. (Near Broadway)
212-246-2211

Further reading: Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, New York magazine and facecrack.

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They heard the breeze in the trees making weird melodies,
And they made that the start of the blues.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

October 25, 2011

First off, go check Goggla’s photo blog, The Gog Log for more photos from the Chillmaster Dance Party Five. Just click here to check them out: Chillmaster Dance Party V.

Okay, it’s Monday and that’s the night I go out and six photos in a specific area of New York and marry them up with songs and lyrics that I think add to the photos for one reason or another. Tonight I’d thought I’d take a trip to Occupy Wall Street and see what’s happening. You may or may not agree with what’s going on down there, but so far I’ve yet to hear anyone who’s actually gone down there say anything negative about the protest. Contrary to some reports, it’s not just “dirty hippies” down there, it’s an interesting cross section of people of all ages and races coming together for something they believe in. One thing they have achieved is opening up a dialogue that wasn’t so prevalent before. Let’s go down and get a sixpack of photos.

Here we are at the Cortlandt Street stop. Time to start clicking.

They say that's money can't buy love in this world,
But it'll get you a half-pound of cocaine and a sixteen-year old girl,
And a great big long limousine on a hot September night,
Now that may not be love but it is all right.

Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me,
Leave me where I am - I'm only sleeping.

And I don't know a soul who's not been battered,
I don't have a friend who feels at ease,
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered,
Or driven to its knees.

Under pressure—that burns a building down,
Splits a family in two,
Puts people on streets.

I'm a model you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk,
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah,
I do my little turn on the catwalk.

Gumby!

Occupy Wall Street
Liberty Square (A.K.A. Zuccotti Park)
Corner of Liberty St. and Broadway
877-881-3020

Further reading: The Gog Log, Slum Goddess and CNN.

All in a dream, all in a dream,
The loading had begun,
They were flying Mother Nature's
silver seed to a new home in the sun.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photo From The Duncester!
The Duncester sent in this wigged out  photo of himself in a  green wig of his own! It was taken in the early ‘90’s at a ski resort in Utah. Nice one, Duncester, thanks for sending it in!

October 24, 2011

Chillmaster Dance Party Number Five!

We all met at the Coal Yard bar for a few pre-party drinks.

The Duncester couldn't make it to the party, but stopped by and brought some flowers for Mrs. Chillmaster, who's put up with our nonsense for over a half a year now. Very nice! Everybody arrived, but I forgot to get a group photo taken. It ain't easy being green and you'll see what I'm talking about in the photos to come.

And here he is, the man behind the window, The Chillmaster!

Before the party begins, The Chillmaster had a special toast to give.

It was a toast to the memory of our friend, photojournalist, Bob Arihood who attended the first two Chillmaster parties.

To Bob!

I thought I'd bring something to add to the many cool items on the Chillmaster table.

Gumby! Here I am presenting him to the Chillmaster.

And now the party can start!

Here's Eric, Lindsay and Scott enjoying a laugh.

More laughs with Ed and the Chillmaster. It's always a good time here!

Lindsay had to leave early and waves goodbye through the Chillmaster window.

But just as Lindsay leaves, Nikki arrives and the party remains perfectly balanced.

Nikki takes over the Chillmaster chair and chills out. Why the fuck not?

Kate, Goggla and Eric are relaxing and enjoying the party.

The Chillmaster and Teneesha pose for a photo.

Then Teneesha pours herself some Hennessy.

The Chillmaster does likewise...

The remote is brought out...

The music begins...

And so does the dancing!

A group portrait of the males in attendance.

And the prettier half of the party, the females pose with the Chillmaster.

Thanks to the Chillmaster and everyone who showed up for another rollicking and fun, Chillmaster Dance Party! Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: Further reading: EV Grieve, The Gog Log, Neither More Nor Less, One More Folded Sunset, Slum Goddess and Single Linds Reflex.

Papa was a rolling stone,
Wherever he laid his hat was his home.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Link: Mars Bar Documentary!

There's a Mars Bar Documentary being shown this week in Greenpoint, you can read about it and see a preview of it  at One More Folded Sunset by clicking here: Mars Bar Documentary.

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Bonus Art by Jaws!

Jaws the Cabbie thought the green wig made me look like George Washington and sent in this art to prove his point. Ha ha ha! Thanks, Jaws, great job!

October 23, 2011

Cheeseburger Saturday Night will not be seen tonight, due to the special Saturday Concert Blog already in progress.

I was really into punk rock in the late ‘70’s, early ‘80’s and one of favorite punk bands was The Damned. They were the first English punk band to have a single, New Rose and their debut album, Damned Damned Damned is a classic punk rock album. Well, they’ve reformed (vocalist, Dave Vanian and bassist/guitarist Captain Sensible remain from the original lineup along with, Monty Oxy Moron on keyboards,, Stu West on bass and Pinch on drums) and are currently on a 35th anniversary tour (Yikes, I feel old!) and they’re playing at Irving Plaza tonight. My friend and co-worker Brian told me about it at work and then said he had an extra ticket and would I like it? Three words says it all: Neat, neat, neat!

Here we are at Irving Plaza.

The Damned!

Inside I ran into my friend Eric, his brother Scott and there's Brian on the right, the man responsible for getting me in the door.

It's starting to fill up. The show is completely sold out tonight. Nice to know there's still a lot of Damned fans out there.

I've always loved concert t-shirts and thought I'd take a photo of some of them in the crowd. Here's the Cramps.

Electric Frankenstein. Never heard of them, I'll have to check out YouTube later and see if I can find them.

Here's a t-shirt from the Iggy and the Stooges reunion tour a few years back.

Cool Misfits shirt.

And you can't be at a punk rock show in New York and not run into a Ramones t-shirt.

Here's a shot from the upstairs balcony, lots of people here tonight.

And here they are: The Damned. They kicked the concert off with my favorite Damned song, "Neat, Neat, Neat."

I need to get closer to get some better shots of the band.

Holy fuckballs, it's packed down here. My claustrophobia is kicking in big time.

The closest I got was the back of this guy's head.

I retreated to the bar and took some shots from the video screen on the wall. Lead vocalist, Dave Vanian.

Captain Sensible looks exactly like he did back in 1976!

Here's drummer Pinch.

Monty Oxy Moron on keyboards was a madman! A real showman and bundle of energy.

It was a great show! Thanks again to Brian for getting me the ticket! See you tomorrow after dark.

Further reading: Wikipedia, All Music and last.fm.




I'll be the rubbish, you'll be the bin,
I'll be the paint on the sign if you'll be the tin.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Photos by Jaws!

After my post on Just Bulbs a while back, MAD commenter and author, Jaws the Cabbie sent away for some bulbs. They arrived and he sent in this photo. Very nice, thanks for the update and photos, Jaws!

What can you get at Just Bulbs?

Just bulbs.

October 22, 2011

Tonight I’ve finally finished working three weeks of working a double shift. Basically I’ve worked between 10 to 14 hours every day for the last three weeks and I am fried (I’m refraining from another, “Fried Day joke, you’re welcome). I’m really beat and I’ve got a couple big blog posts coming up on Sunday and Monday, so tonight I’m just going to go home and get drunk out of my fucking mind and relax. Also, the traffic really slows down here on Saturdays because people are out and about and not looking at blogs and I’m not going to kill myself when there isn’t a huge audience out there. But I want to put something up to entertain the loyal MAD readers and commenters that come here on Saturday, I do appreciate it! “Boris” and I were talking about SCTV on the phone the other night and saying how funny it was and recalling different bits that were hilarious. There didn’t used to be a lot of clips on YouTube from the old SCTV shows, but I checked last night and there’s a ton of them. So I thought I’d put up some of my favorites. Hey, it beats a hot dog at the Papaya, right Al?












And a quick tribute to Alex Trebek. And the answer is...”Drunken, cursing, Canadian game show host."

Further reading: Wikipedia, SCTV Guide and SCTV.org.



This boy wouldn't mind the pain,
Would always feel the same,
If this boy gets you back again.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Bonus Cardboard Box Men From Gidget!
The coolest DJ in the world, Gidget, sent in this photo of two Cardboard Box Men who invaded her office. They appear to be brooding about something, but are a little more colorful than your run of the mill CBBM. Gidget DJ’s on Woody Radio and has a show with “Boris” that is on till 4pm EST today called “The Secret Weapon.” Turn on and tune in!

October 20, 2011

I’m in my third week of working a double shift, I’ve been trying not to complain about it, but I’m really feeling burned out. Luckily only two more nights and I’m back on my normal schedule. I got stuck late at work and I just don’t have the energy to go anywhere. So I’ll take a few photos on the way home and put up a few stories from my writing files that I hope will bring you a chuckle. Now it’s off to have a beer or 11 and collapse.

Before the photos and stories though, you should really go check out Lux Living’s review of the IHOP that we went to on Sunday night. It’s hilarious and spot on, check it out at the always entertaining and informative EV Grieve blog right here: Dinner At The East Village IHOP.

Another rainy night out.

But the good news is the McRib is back and at $2.99 it's a bargain. I actually have fond memories about the McRib, maybe that'll be tomorrow's post. You've been warned!

Wow, this place is selling kids for $19.99, pretty cheap, but I think I'll stick to the McRib. Okay, on to the stories.

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Alternative Titles for Sperm

Dong barf, manonaise, penis pudding, Elmer’s spoo, the other white sauce, dick snot, white out, Mel’s torment, glee juice, Harvey, cream of meat, albino love piss, sex sauce, eruption of white, man milk, H 2 Whoa!, jerk sauce, handjob cream, masturbation gravy, asleep at the feel, cock phlegm, oops...I did it again, horsey wagon, jizz juice, white christmas, fuzzy slippers, Aunt Edna, chicken gravy, tea for the spillerman, every schoolboy’s surprise, Dan the antenna, Thurdays and Saturdays, President Truman, dirty socks, a pile of magazines, night rally, stone dust, fish, cheerio old chap, mittens, Dick Dale, several empty boxes, white knuckles, corduroy, checkers, waffles, Thanksgiving Day Parade, rash, toenail clippers, The Week in Rock, a pile of flags, two turtledoves, toe jam, hair dryers, combs, San Quentin Prison, Crispian St. Peters, angels with dirty faces, lemonade, a Bic lighter, keyboards, plaid suitcase, have a good day, the weekend, vodka and orange juice, shave and a haircut two bits, tattoos, swimming pool, an office building, puppy dogs, deodorant, Abe Vigoda, The Supreme Court, The Supremes, an oak tree, a tray of ice cubes, zip discs, Eminem, underwear, eight track tape player, 300 miles out of Florida, wire rim eyeglasses, a white washing machine, The Bay City Rollers, Harlem, a walk in the park, fresh warm cookies, Valentine’s Day, Diet Snapple, Foghorn Leghorn, Tums, two packs of Camel Lights, Sgt. Carter, The Buckinghams, a snow shovel, mud, black and white, toilet cleanser, freckles, orange peels, and last but not least, my favorite alternative title for sperm...Uncle Spunky!

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Future Commercial Catchprases

Lays Fat Free Potato Chips
“Surrender To Anal Leakage!”

Saturday Night Live
“Deny Your Laughter!”

E! Entertainment TV
“Dive into the Shallow End of the Pool!”

Ice (any brand)
“Chill Your Drink!”

The U.S. Army
“It’s More Than A Job, Beause You Can’t Quit!”

Rogaine
“Stop Being Bald!”

Zocor (Simvastatin)
“Pretend Like You Know What This Product Is!”

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Humor in Reader’s Digest
There’s lot’s of humor in Reader’s Digest, unfortunately none of it’s too funny. It’s not that it’s horrible, it just needs some punching up. And nobody’s punchier than me, so I took the task of making the Digest’s humor a little edgier. Below are some humorous selections culled from Reader’s Digest with embellishments added at the end in bold type.

••••

I was leaving the grocery store with my three young sons when I spotted an Army tank loaded onto a flatbed truck with soldiers standing nearby. Knowing how my boys love anything that has to do with the military, I remarked, “Ooohhh, soldiers!”

One of the men gave me a sheepish and somewhat curious grin. Only then did I realize I was standing there alone. My boys had stopped at the gumball machine inside the store. Well, I wasted no time climbing up on that tank and pleasuring every soldier on board, which added up to over 20 strapping brutes in uniform. Hours later I found my boys in the grocery store office. When they asked where Daddy had been for so long, I winked at the grocery store manager and pointed out the window to the tank which was leaving the parking lot. “See those soldiers on the tank boys? Well I just gave them a 21 bun salute!”

••••

The flannel nightshirt my mother gave as a gift had white clouds on a blue background and was very modest. My husband an avid computer user, told me I looked very sexy.

“In this?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” he replied. “It reminds me of the logo for Microsoft Windows.”

That was a pretty weird remark, but I decided he could have his weekly blow job anyway. But when he got close to his orgasm and started screaming, “You’ve got mail! You’ve got mail!” at the top of his lungs, well that was too much, I ran out of the house and filed for divorce a week later.

••••

My father and husband enjoy working on crossword puzzles together. One day, Dad was baffled by this clue: “Found on a dollar bill.”

Even after my husband filled in the answer, Dad sat scratching his head. “Wet Rust? I still don’t get it!”

To which my husband replied, “no, it’s ‘We Trust.’”

Seconds later the blood drained from my father’s face as he clutched his chest and died on the spot from a stroke.

Without missing a beat, my husband retorted, “Well, that solves ‘what’s a six letter word for heart attack?’ Thanks Pops!”

••••

The company I work for recently purchased a building that had once been a hospital. Management asked for volunteers to help with some light renovation. I joined up, and my first task was to take signs down in the parking lot.

One read, “Reserved for Physician.” I said to a co-worker that I should keep the sign and post it on my sister’s garage door. My friend asked, “Is your sister a doctor?”

“No,” I replied. “She’s single.”

Always wanting to get the last laugh, my friend shot back, “She sounds like a real slut. Why don’t you take that ‘Incoming Traffic’ sign and have the little whore wear it as a belt buckle!”
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Further reading: Wikipedia, Classic TV Ads and Bleeders Digest.

Bay City Rollers We Love You!

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

October 19, 2011

Okay, it’s Tuesday night, the night I go to a bar and see if we can score a swizzle stick. I thought that tonight we’d go back to the source for this Tuesday night swizzle stick hunt, Sardi’s. I first started thinking about swizzle sticks due to a post at Jeremiah’s Vanishing New York, where he wrote about Swizzles and Sardi’s. Sardi’s was bar number 252 on my 365 Bar Crawl last year, let’s go back and say hi and get a swizzle, a drink and perhaps a snack or two.

It's a nice night out, so we'll just walk, it's about 16 blocks away. I'm enjoying this fall weather while it lasts, in about a month it's going to be freezing out and I'm dreading that.

Holy 1967, Batman! This shirt and tie combination is giving me an acid flashback. Groovy!

And here we are, Sardi's.

Holy moley, it looks like we've got the bar all to ourselves. Hey, wait a minute, what does that sign say...

Son of a bitch, the little bar is closed. Oh well, when in Rome...

Start roamin'. Up we go to the upstairs bar.

There's plenty of seats up here, let's go snag one.

Bartender Joseph serves up the double gin and tonic and it looks like we've scored a swizzle stick!

A basic black swizzle stick, perfect!

A long shot of the bar and...

Cheese and Ritz crackers! Sardi's has the best bar snacks in the city!

That guy in the cowboy hat looks familiar, so I went over and said hi.

It's Randy Jones, the cowboy from the Village People! I told him that I watched them on the old Merv Griffin show when I lived in Peoria and he told me that was perfect. A nice guy, check out his website: Randy Jones World.

Sardi's is known for the caricatures on the walls, let's look at a few.

Here's Paul Winchell and Jerry Mahoney, I don't know about you, but ventriloquists creep me out.

The Lord of the Thighs, Suzanne Somers.

Steve Guttenberg. Who knew he had such a giraffe neck?

Lady Gaga? Goodnight everybody and see you tomorrow after dark.

Swizzle Stick Donation!
Kate from One More Folded Sunset donated a half a dozen cool swizzle sticks she collected in her travels! Thanks, Kate, see you this Sunday!

The Whole Stinking Collection So Far!
Thanks to all who have donated, it’s turned into a cool collection!
Sardi’s
234 W. 44th St. (Near Broadway)
212-221-8440

Further reading: Wikipedia, trip advisor and nyc.com.

I walk on concrete,
I walk on sand.
But I can't find,
A safe place to stand.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)