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October 21, 2011

Yesterday I took a picture of a McDonald’s advertising the McRib sandwich. It brought back some memories. I grew up in Peoria, Illinois and Peoria is a test market town, meaning we would see all kinds of products that never made it past the test marketing stage. The McRib was one of McDonald’s first “specialty” sandwiches and I remember trying one way back in the early ‘80’s. The weird thing about the McRib is that it has never really made it to the official McDonald’s menu, it just comes and goes, giving it a somewhat mystical quality. There’s a website devoted to locating them across the country, check it out: McRib Locator.

After seeing that sign last night I realized I’ve never had another McRib sandwich since I tried the first one.
As I recall, it left me with a bit of a sickish feeling. Despite that, I want to go back and try one.  Also, I haven’t been inside a McDonald’s for over 18 years. I moved here in 1993 and have always been amazed at people who go to McDonald’s in New York when there are so many local choices. I also want to ask a manager about the name McRib, since it’s not really a rib at all, I’m not so sure it’s even real meat, if I remember correctly, the one I ate all those years ago had the consistency similar to spongy rubber. And so, armed with these questions and desires, it’s off we go, in search of the elusive McRib.

And here we are, McDonald's.

Home of the McRib. It's just $2.99 and only 500 calories. Who knew? Who cares?

Wow, it's really bright in here and they're blaring some Muzak type middle of the road saxophone jazz. People are screaming over the top of it, I don't like it in here.

And look at all the sandwich selections you've got to choose from. Life was easier when you just had to pick between a hamburger and a fish sandwich in here.

They do have a friendly group of people working here, though. I didn't get her name, but she happily posed for a picture while serving me up a fresh McRib sandwich. Nice!

It comes housed in a cardboard box. This is new, I don't remember this from before. It dawned on me looking at the box that Mick Jagger's life might be easier if he changed his name to McJagger. I hate the fact I have thoughts like this.

And here it is in all its glory, behold the elusive McRib. Let's see what's under the hood.

Lots of onions and a couple of pickles. And the meat looks fake, kind of like Play-Doh meat. Doh!

The strange thing about this sandwich is that outside of a slight tang from the barbecue sauce, there is no taste to it. It's beyond bland. It's like you're eating the color grey. It's making me think of something and I'm reluctant to say it. It's got to do with grey meat. And it's kind of sickening.

All right, fuck it, I'll say it and it's a subject that's come up here before on MAD. And the subject is this: Dr. Ruth's pussy. Yes, this sandwich taste's like what I imagine Dr. Ruth's pussy tastes like, grey spongy meat. I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest here. And with the barbecue sauce, it's like she's on her period, but she's too old to be having a period, so to sum it up, eating a McRib is like eating Dr. Ruth's pussy when she's having her comma. Are you happy now? Because I'm about to be sick.

Aaaahhh!

Further reading: LA Weekly, Fast Food Facts and Grub Street.

See that boy he looks so fine.
But he's got a girlfriend my oh my.
Kill kill kill.
I'm gonna hit her in the head,
I'm gonna knock her down,
I'm gonna drag her by the hair all over town.

(Surprise link...click on it...I dare you!)

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Reader Comments (31)

Dr. Ruth's Pussy??? I'll be Mike Hunt:)

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMike Hunt

Now ribbed for her pleasure?

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercsp

@Mike Hunt: Ha ha ha! So you shall be!

@csp: That's a rib tickler for sure!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

YIKES ! .... that looks disgusting ! ..... I might not be able to eat the rest of the day :(

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGENE

Ya had me until "Dr. Ruth's pussy". Ugh.
So now we know why Peoria is always cited as the place where we wonder how something will "play"!

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatrink

This is enough publicity to keep it off the menu for another 30 years. I've had it, it is tasteless.

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAl

@csp BAHAHAHHHAHAHA!!!!!!

My friend loooooves McRibs, I'll have to reference this post next time she mentions it. ahhahah!!! Mmmmm Tangy Temptation hahahah

That music video is hilarious!!!!!

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLindsay

@GENE: I know, I kind of felt bad putting this up, but you have to do what you gotta do.

@Katrink: That is why Peoria has that title. It started back in Vaudeville Days, people would bring shows to Peoria before they went to Chicago to test them out. The theory being that if people in Peoria got the joke anyone would.

@Al: A tasteless meal leads to a tasteless post. Symmetry in motion, or something like that.

@Lindsay: I know a lot of people that love them too, I can't figure it out. I love that video too, The Donnas are a great band!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

I'm speechless.

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFat Al

The Donnas video is quite prophetic...when all the Cardboard Box men burst forth from their coccoons and begin their final rampage against humanity, it's going to look a lot like that.
As a former night driver and a veteran of countless convieniance store snack stops, I'm here to tell you that there's virtually no difference between the McRib sandwich and the vacupack microwave rib sandwiches sold at virtually all convieniance store gas stations everywhere in the U.S. of A. and only for consumption in the direst of low blood sugar type situations.
Dr. Ruth's pussy while comatose...an apt description of the taste of this culinary abortion for anybody who's wondering...

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaws the Cabbie

@Fat Al: I was too after I ate it, mainly because I was vomiting all over myself.

@Jaws: I was hoping someone would notice the Cardboard Box Men in the Donnas video! "culinary abortion" Ha ha ha! Perfect description!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

The fact that you admit to imagining what Dr. Ruth's pussy taste like confirms my old theory about the real nature of men! Bravo to you for having the courage to speak your onions about truth,life,grey pussy and the McRib sandwich!

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterProfessor Dungpie.

I have the hardest time deciding between writing the word 'grey' vs 'gray'.

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJAZ

Cause of your post yesterday I went and got a fucking McRib....
and I blame you .. yes Dr Ruth pussy..ughhhhhhhhhhh
i only paid 2.79.. its cheaper to live in mulletworld...

I think had i had tons of hairspray in my hair and a pair of legwarmers on it might have tasted better..

oh wait I hate pork.. i ate pork.. even worse than Ruth's pussy...
not worth the heartburn i got ..I tell ya...

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGidgie

@JAZ:
True story. Noah Webster's final note.
"I can't waste any more grey matter on gray areas. Fuck you. You decide if you have found me hanged or hung."

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercsp

@Professor Dungpie: To Life, Gray Pussy and Justice for All!

@JAZ: It's funny when I was writing this I Googled gray/grey to try and decide which to use.

@Gidget: So sorry about the McRib subliminal ad in yesterday's post! I'll mail you some Rolaids!

@csp: Best suicide note in the world!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Fucking funny! VERY fucking funny! This post is a keeper amoung keepers. I'm about to have a Lewis Black type breadown.

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrazy Eddie

Now is it as bad as 7 11's fake rib sandwich? A fake rib showdown.

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjpeg

@Crazy Eddie: Thanks, glad you got a McChuckle out of this!

@jpeg: I had no idea 7-11's had a fake rib sandwich, once my stomach settles from this, I will do a comparison, next week for sure!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

MAD has gone McMAD...the double gin and tonics have caught up...acid flashbacks are real...a comparison of a 7-11 "rib" vs a McRib...will this be a McRib from a McMemory or will it be one on one the same night?...grey pussies lock your doors latch your windows turn on your flood lights 'cause the Mcmidnight McRambler is goin' be on the prowl...yeah Mcsorry...(but that's not really true)...

“We don’t take shit, we make it”
~Midlands MWR

rr

October 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterraginrr

@rr: McWonderful observations and it will be a live 7-11 versus McDonalds, an all out pukefest of one Dr. Ruth's pussy-tasting sandwich versus another. A hagged-out pussy grudge match to the end. Great quote!

October 21, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Dr. Ruth's Pussy, I think I saw them open for the Plasmatics in the early 80/s
(the decade, not Dr. Ruth's age).
A Rib Off in the works?
Better have some Mc of Magnesia handy.

October 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter"Boris"

@"Boris:" Ha ha ha, Nice one, Daddo! And yes, the McMagnesia will be close by!

October 22, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Another reason Oprah won't eat at McDonald's...no 'S' shaped poops in the morning!

October 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLux Living

@Lux Living: Ha ha ha! And we all know the 'S' stands for Steadman!

October 22, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Love the surprise link. I'm thankful you're willing to sacrifice your stomach for your readers. Cause there is no way I would try anything involving meat at McD's. And love @Professor Dungpie's comment. I'm going to try and not spend too much time thinking about Dr Ruth from now on.

October 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkari

@kari: Glad you appreciated my stomach-turning post!

October 23, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Dr. Ruth's Pussy?! HA HA HA! That's especially funny because I'll bet IT's pickled too! Anyhoo, I'm sorry you had to take one for the team by venturing into McD's. But at least you got to witness that belted dress/slipper boot combo on the woman at the counter. Totally sweet. Am I right?

October 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBiff

@Biff: Ha! As always your eagle-eyes saw something in the picture I totally missed and you are right! Suhweeet!

October 23, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

Look what Gawker wrote about today!

http://gawker.com/5852676/the-mcrib-is-back-you-beasts

October 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLux Living

@Lux Living: As always, Gawker is days late and a a half a buck short!

October 25, 2011 | Registered CommenterMarty After Dark

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