Yesterday I took a picture of a McDonald’s advertising the McRib sandwich. It brought back some memories. I grew up in Peoria, Illinois and Peoria is a test market town, meaning we would see all kinds of products that never made it past the test marketing stage. The McRib was one of McDonald’s first “specialty” sandwiches and I remember trying one way back in the early ‘80’s. The weird thing about the McRib is that it has never really made it to the official McDonald’s menu, it just comes and goes, giving it a somewhat mystical quality. There’s a website devoted to locating them across the country, check it out: McRib Locator.
After seeing that sign last night I realized I’ve never had another McRib sandwich since I tried the first one. As I recall, it left me with a bit of a sickish feeling. Despite that, I want to go back and try one. Also, I haven’t been inside a McDonald’s for over 18 years. I moved here in 1993 and have always been amazed at people who go to McDonald’s in New York when there are so many local choices. I also want to ask a manager about the name McRib, since it’s not really a rib at all, I’m not so sure it’s even real meat, if I remember correctly, the one I ate all those years ago had the consistency similar to spongy rubber. And so, armed with these questions and desires, it’s off we go, in search of the elusive McRib.
And here we are, McDonald's.
Home of the McRib. It's just $2.99 and only 500 calories. Who knew? Who cares?
Wow, it's really bright in here and they're blaring some Muzak type middle of the road saxophone jazz. People are screaming over the top of it, I don't like it in here.
And look at all the sandwich selections you've got to choose from. Life was easier when you just had to pick between a hamburger and a fish sandwich in here.
They do have a friendly group of people working here, though. I didn't get her name, but she happily posed for a picture while serving me up a fresh McRib sandwich. Nice!
It comes housed in a cardboard box. This is new, I don't remember this from before. It dawned on me looking at the box that Mick Jagger's life might be easier if he changed his name to McJagger. I hate the fact I have thoughts like this.
And here it is in all its glory, behold the elusive McRib. Let's see what's under the hood.
Lots of onions and a couple of pickles. And the meat looks fake, kind of like Play-Doh meat. Doh!
The strange thing about this sandwich is that outside of a slight tang from the barbecue sauce, there is no taste to it. It's beyond bland. It's like you're eating the color grey. It's making me think of something and I'm reluctant to say it. It's got to do with grey meat. And it's kind of sickening.
All right, fuck it, I'll say it and it's a subject that's come up here before on MAD. And the subject is this: Dr. Ruth's pussy. Yes, this sandwich taste's like what I imagine Dr. Ruth's pussy tastes like, grey spongy meat. I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest here. And with the barbecue sauce, it's like she's on her period, but she's too old to be having a period, so to sum it up, eating a McRib is like eating Dr. Ruth's pussy when she's having her comma. Are you happy now? Because I'm about to be sick.